Some moms may have this figured out, but for others this may be a news flash. Most men are not multi taskers. Most men have a one track mind. We men do not intend to be unloving toward you our wives by not taking a load off and stepping in where it is needed. It’s just that we are not wired up to see things the way a woman sees things.
We truly do not realize it is bedtime, dinner time, homework time, chore time, time to stop wrestling on the living room floor, etc, etc. Wives seem to think it is so obvious in terms of what needs to be done and you often see our non response as unloving. Most often once it is too late…We can see that this frustrates you when we do not see what is so blatantly obvious to you. Maybe there is not a place in our brains for us to store the experiences from these situations so that we can remember them the next time. I can’t explain why these lessons are not remembered, I just know that they are so often not remembered.
So what can Moms do to help Dads?
- We do need to be asked for help. Honey will you _____? (fill in the blank with whatever task needs to be done that you think we should have already realized, but haven’t.)
- Offer encouraging words. For men, even the most gently constructive criticism can cut deep. We strive to provide and protect and love to be recognized for that. Look for things we do right and tell us about it.
- And last but certainly not least, please think the best of us. We are not trying to get up on your last nerve. We love you and want to help. We just need things spelled out in many colors of crayon sometimes.
Being a dad often brings out the kid in a man. We get so absorbed in the pretend games with the little ones or the rough-housing with the older ones that we forget that life must go on. So be gentle, respectful, and to the point with your concerns for what needs to be done. We don’t realize it is approaching 9pm and the toddler is still in his jeans and shoes. It does not even register that he needs to have been changed into his pajamas and put in bed an hour ago. All you have to do is walk over and hand us the pajamas and say…with a genuine smile, “would you mind getting Levi ready for bed? It is almost 9pm.” You may be surprised to learn that your husband is as shocked at the time as you are that he does not realize it on his own. Love, Gentleness, Patience, and Respect will go a long way in these situations. I promise.
So Moms, What do you want dads to know?