Dads Are Parents Too – Babywise Friendly Blogs

Dads are parents too

Dads are parents and they should act like it. Be weird. Be different. Be more than just a biological father to your children. Be a Daddy.

The transcript from the last half of this episode can be found posted on each of the blogs listed below on Wednesday 3/14/2012. Check them out and add them all to your RSS reader.

Babywise Friendly Networked Blogs

Giveaway – Hot off the press is the Revised and Updated edition of On Becoming Babywise.

Everyone who subscribes for the newsletter before midnight March 21, 2012 will be eligible the giveaway. The subscription form is provided below or you can use the one in the sidebar.

Thanks to Andy from the betterdadpodcast.com
Thanks to my friend Manny for his encouraging words following the last episode.

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Take baby steps to get first-time obedience

Source: write-what-you-dont-know.com

It’s Babywise Blog Network Week! All week, we’ll be featuring blog posts from other Babywise-friendly blogs. The schedule is as follows:

· Monday: Valerie Plowman, Chronicles of a Babywise Mom
· Tuesday: Maureen Monfore, Childwise Chat
· Wednesday: Hank Osborne, Daddy Life
· Thursday: Rachel Rowell, My Baby Sleep Guide
· Friday: Bethany Lynch, The Graceful Mom

Help us promote solidarity within the Babywise/Ezzo community by subscribing to these blogs.

___________________________________

By Maureen Monfore, ChildwiseChat.com

If you’ve read my blog at all, it’s likely you understand the value of training a child in first-time obedience (FTO). First-time obedience is a phrase commonly heard in Ezzo parenting circles. It means that a child obeys his parents’ instructions the first time, no questions asked.

Training a child in first-time obedience isn’t easy. But the payoff is huge in creating an atmosphere of peace and harmony in the home. Putting in the effort to train a child is so worth it.

Any parent ready to start the journey of FTO training must understand that it is a journey. It’s a process. You will not achieve complete FTO in a day (or even 10).

I have read some parenting books and websites and walked away with the feeling that I need to do it all, and I need to do it all right now! I come away feeling like I’m doing everything “wrong” and that I have so much ground to cover if we are to get it all done.

These experts bring out the worst legalistic parent in me. I get started trying to apply their advice, and after a couple of days, I end up frustrated and exhausted. My kids are exacerbated. Nobody is happy, and I end up hating the parent I’ve become.

I make this point because I don’t want to be one of those “experts” who drives you to the brink of insanity. When you read my blog, and if you read my eBook, Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience, please take note when I suggest that you take baby steps in your FTO training.

The bad news is that there is no quick fix. The good news is that you won’t frustrate yourself or exacerbate your child. You have a long-term roadmap to teach your child to be obedient, submissive and respectful.

In my eBook, I outline the many steps required to achieve first-time obedience. I also include a “FTO Bootcamp” that walks you through the various phases of FTO training, day by day. It is written in a way to help you realize that you don’t need to do it all right now. I try to emphasize that if a certain FTO training phase takes 3 months instead of 3 days, then so be it. Take the time you need to work through the steps.

It’s better to take several months to complete the journey than to try it, frustrate yourself, exacerbate your child, give up, and then feel lost when your child disobeys and you have no plan to address the disobedience.

By the same token, allow your child to take baby steps when complying with your FTO requests. Don’t start your FTO training by requiring the child to do some monumental task. Don’t begin when he’s sick, tired or hungry. And only work on one aspect of FTO training at a time.

Equate it to teaching a child to swim. First-time obedience is a skill just like swimming. You don’t throw your child into the deep end, expect him to swim, and then discipline him when he sinks. You teach him by first having him blow bubbles in the water. Then you teach him how to go under water. You teach him how to float on his back. And you teach him how to do the various strokes to swim.

All of these baby steps are required. It’s not until you have taken each baby step one at a time that you can expect that the skill will be perfected. And as you can imagine, teaching a child to swim takes time and practice. Allow yourself time and practice when training your child in FTO.

If your critical Aunt Edna is coming to visit and you are worried about your child’s behavior, don’t expect that you can get all of your FTO work done in a few days. You will only frustrate yourself and exacerbate your child. Allow enough time to complete the whole process. Take as many baby steps as you need.

All of the tips, steps and phases outlined in my eBook are designed to prevent you from biting off more than you can chew in your first-time obedience training. You want to appropriately train the child, but you want to do so lovingly, fairly and peacefully. Only then will you have success with your training and achieve true harmony in your home.

 

Maureen Monfore is a mother of two young boys, a freelance writer, and the author of ChildwiseChat.com and the eBook, Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience. A loyal follower of the teachings of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, she is passionate about teaching children to obey to pave the way for fun, love, learning, and essential moral development.

Some Like it Hot (Sleep, that is)

Hot Babyby Valerie Plowman from www.babywisemom.com.

My children amuse me. I know everyone is amused by their own children. Children are like most people–incredibly quirky. My children are no different, and I find quirks both fascinating and amusing.

Brayden does not mind being cold. He is bewildered when his friends want to go inside after playing in the snow for two hours. Even as a pre-toddler, he did not want to wear a coat out in the brisk fall weather. He just doesn’t mind it.

Kaitlyn does not like to be cold. Unless incredible fun is happening, she is done in the snow after 30 minutes. She especially does not like to have wind blowing on her. Spring is not a fun time due to the wind issues.

McKenna is like Brayden–she does not mind the cold. She will play outside in the snow forever. Brayden is lucky to have her.

That isn’t the quirky part. Here comes the quirky part.

Brayden (6 years old) does not like to be cold when he sleeps. He currently sleeps in a sweatshirt, flannel pajama bottoms, and socks. He wears a child-sized snuggie that his grandmother gave him for Christmas. Then he has his sheet, a comforter, a heavy afaghan, his baby quilt I made him, two fleece blankets, and a couple small cotton blankets thrown on top. His room is kept at 70 degrees. Not kidding.

Kaitlyn (4 years old) loves to be cold when she sleeps. She has the coldest bedroom in the house. She currently sleeps in a flimsy nightgown meant for warm summer nights and hates to sleep in socks. She sleeps with a sheet, comforter, and a couple of fleece blankets because I think she must be freezing, not because she wants them.

McKenna (2 years old) also does not like to be cold when she sleeps. She sleeps in warm pajamas and socks. She has the warmest bedroom in the house. She has more blankets than I can count and she knows if I try to remove some. And she knows which ones I have removed. If she wakes from a nap and had bare arms (because she took off her cardigan because she was “too hot” during playtime), she wakes up crying.

See? They are quirky.

I share these quirks to illustrate that some children like to be warm when they sleep and others like to be on the cooler side. ALSO, it takes some observation to know what they each like–it isn’t always what you might assume.

How Do You Know?
I know this is an annoying answer for some people, but for me, I just knew. I could tell Brayden liked to sleep warmer as a baby. When Kaitlyn came along, I quickly figured out she liked to be cooler (and I got many lectures from certain relatives about her lack of socks–she hated socks as a four week old and still hates socks as a four year old and I feel so vindicated as a mother!).

The best advice I can give you is to pay attention. You need to notice patterns. You might need to take notes to see these patterns, or you might be able to track it in your head. What did your child wear to sleep in? What blankets, if any, were involved? What was the temperature in the room?

And with that information, how did your child sleep that night?

What Temperature is Best?
It seems most sleep experts agree somewhere between 65-70 degrees is best (though some go as low as 60 and high as 75). That really is a wide range, though. 60 feels very differently than 75. How do you tell what is best for your individual child? Once again, this is where the power of observation comes into play. You have your range to work with, now experiment and see what works best.

Why is temperature so important?

“Experts agree the temperature of your sleeping area and how comfortable you feel in it affect how well and how long you snooze. Why? “When you go to sleep, your set point for body temperature — the temperature your brain is trying to achieve — goes down,” says H. Craig Heller, PhD, professor of biology at Stanford University, who wrote a chapter on temperature and sleep for a medical textbook. “Think of it as the internal thermostat.” If it’s too cold, as in Roy’s case, or too hot, the body struggles to achieve this set point.

That mild drop in body temperature induces sleep. Generally, Heller says, “if you are in a cooler [rather than too-warm] room, it is easier for that to happen.” But if the room becomes uncomfortably hot or cold, you are more likely to wake up, says Ralph Downey III, PhD, chief of sleep medicine at Loma Linda University…” (source)

Finding the perfect temperature gets tricky with the more people you add to the family.

I recommend you figure out what the lowest temperature needs to be. So in our family, my husband and Kaitlyn like to sleep in a cooler environment. So the thermostat is set to a cooler temperature for those two. Even in the winter, my husband sleeps with only a sheet and a light blanket. No socks.

Then the rest of us warm sleepers adjust our environment as needed. We all wear warmer PJs and all wear socks in the winter. We all have our layers of blankets. The children have space heaters in their rooms that have a thermostat.

So in your quest for good sleep in your family, do not underestimate the importance of temperature, pajamas, and blankets. It is a vital element in getting peaceful, continuous sleep. What is perfect for you will not automatically be perfect for anyone else in the home. Work to figure out the ideal for each person and figure out how to achieve that in your home. You will all be sleeping better if you do!

Raising Teen Girls – Interview

This podcast episode contains an interview with a man’s man who is raising a house full of girls. Stacy Ratliff is an independent video consultant, producer, and editor with over 25 years of experience. He has produced a ton of content in the hunting/fishing/shooting categories over the past two decades. Stacy wrote and produced the ESPN Ultimate NASCAR 100 Defining Moments, The Bassmaster Yearbook, Driven to Hunt and much more that has aired on ESPN, the Outdoor Channel, and the Sportsman Channel. He has done camera work on the National Finals Rodeo, music videos, commercials, and industrial films. You can see some of Stacy’s video work on his Vimeo page.

Stacy is they guy who took Dale Earnhardt Jr on his first hunt. Stacy worked with the three time NASCAR champion Tony Stewart on a show title Driven to Hunt. in that episode they were working with some kids through the Make A Wish Foundation. Stacy has also worked with NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt as well as Bobby Labonte, Terry Labonte, Kevin Harvik, Martin Truex and many more.

Stacy has been married to Anne for 21 years. They have three teen girls ages 14, 16, and 18. They are key couple leaders in the Growing Families International parenting ministry.

Stacy has recently moved into the role of being an independent video consultant, producer, and editor. I am sure he would greatly appreciate any work you can send in his direction. You can connect with Stacy on LinkedIn.

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Special Needs Education at Home

When your family rom turns into a hospital roomMy beautiful wife has shared some awesome tips for parents with a special needs child that is also homeschooled. Check out the latest podcast on the Home School Support Network to learn how we deal with tough times with a special needs child in our home.

Temperaments and Parenting

In this episode I have a very special guest. My wife Sherry and I introduce you to the four temperaments. Sherry and I also co-host the Home School Support Network (HSSN) podcast and blog. We have produced a HSSN episode on temperaments as well.

Why temperaments? 

Our understanding of temperaments has been most helpful in understanding what makes our family members tick. This is helpful in a marriage relationship, with understanding why grandma and grandpa do things a certain way, and most importantly what makes our children “tick”… so to speak. We have taught parents on the subject of temperaments for over five years. We have learned over the years from books, observations of parents we have mentored, and from various speakers throughout the country.

Your temperament is God given and does not change. Each temperament has strengths, weaknesses, and one specific area of weakness that is more dominant than other weaknesses. There are four types with many “blends”- most people have a primary and secondary and keep in mind you may have the strengths of one and the weakness of another.

What are the four temperaments we will cover in this podcast episode? 

Choleric (lion): task oriented-extrovert
Sanguine (otter): 
people oriented-extrovert
Melancholy (beaver): 
task oriented-introvert
Phlegmatic (golden retriever): 
people oriented- introvert

Resources mentioned in this episode:

 

Spirit-Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye

Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself by Florence Littauer

The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality by Dr. John Trent and Gary Smalley

Wired That Way: An Easy-to-Use Questionnaire for Helping People Discover Their God-Given Personality Type

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God’s Wisdom Above Man’s Wisdom

Fathers Mandate number 8.  A father must build the trusting relationships on God’s Word, not on human wisdom.

The Fathers Mandate Part 8 of 8
http://www.growingkids.org/leaders/gkgw-chapter-summaries/
Reference: Chapter 4 of Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo

Mr. Ezzo says that if you don’t get this then everything else in the other mandates does not matter.

From Psalm 118:8 (TLB) “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”

Who is God and what does He mean to you and your family?

Please remember that much more is caught than taught.

“Adapted from a recent online discussion.
New dad wonders how to juggle parenting with football season
Football season!: How much is my child going to hate me as he grows up with me watching three football games in a row on Sundays, and another on Monday nights? (I do chores during breaks, I swear, but I’ve never had a baby or child to care for during football season before.)” Source Tampabay.com

This issue of building relationships with your children based on God’s word is not about choosing church over sports on Sunday.  It is about having the ways of God “on your hearts. Impressing them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the street, when you lie down and when you get up.” from Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 New International Version (NIV)

Read God’s word in the Bible for yourself. That is how you will be able to determine what God’s wisdom is verses what other people around you say.

Reading Plans


By the numbers

The Bible has 66 Books made up of 1189 Chapters. To read the Bible in a year you will read on average:
99 Chapters in a month
5.5 Books per month
3.26 Chapters per dayYou can read the entire Bible from cover to cover in less than 100 hours.

Here are some audio Bibles: (aff)

The Word of Promise: Complete Audio BibleThe Complete Audio Holy Bible: King James Version

Why read? To get a better understanding of who God is and what He means to you and your family.

Proverbs 14:12 New King James Version (NKJV)

12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.

How to become a Christian:

1 John 1:9

New King James Version (NKJV)
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Ephesians 2:8-9

New Living Translation (NLT)
8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

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Parenting Matters in Education

An article in the NY Times this weekend emphasized the need for parentally involvement. While the studies that the article referenced focused on academics the last few words of the article I can agree with:

“…let’s stop putting the whole burden on teachers. We also need better parents. Better parents can make every teacher more effective.” Source

What I could not find in these study results was how effective parental involvement in teaching character development might help school performance. Teaching children manners, self-control, and respect for authority can go a long way in equipping a teacher for success.

I have known for a long time that parent involvement was the best solution to improving the public school system in this country. My wife taught 3rd grade in the public school system for a few years after graduating from college. My wife learned quickly that kids were not coming to school adequately prepared. By prepared I mean the basics. Kids had not been taught to sit quietly and respect authority. The kids had little self control and some would demand attention constantly as if they were the only child in the room that mattered.

What was the root of this? Many kids have missed out on some very basic parental involvement. In many families the definition of parental involvement has digressed to a point where it is measured by frequency of attendance at plays, music recitals, soccer games, cub scout meetings or baseball games. Many parents consider themselves involved if they check their kids’ homework, volunteer in the child’s class, and attend PTA meetings. A study referenced by the NY Times article was performed by The Center For Public Education. The limited results that they reported confirm what parents consider to be healthy participation by their own actions:

“National survey data from the National Center for Education Statistics shows that attending school meetings or events is the leading form of parent participation in schools, followed by school fundraising activities.” Source

And then some kids don’t even get this much involvement from their parents. Some are bounced from grandparents to friends homes for one reason or another. However the data by the Center for Public Education showed little difference in parental involvement across racial and economic lines.

“…while 82 percent of parents of white students said an adult checked their child’s homework, the rates were higher among parents of African American and Hispanic students, which reported rates of 94% and 91%, respectively. Other studies have shown that lower-income and minority parents often have the same level of involvement in education as others — even though it may not necessarily be reflected at PTA meetings or school fundraisers.”

All that said I would argue that these studies miss the mark from the start. The type of parental involvement needed most is the kind that teaches character and strong values. However this type of parental involvement is mostly outsourced to peers via day cares beginning as early as six weeks old in many families and then other families do so with pre-school programs by age three years. The list of reasons why parents are forced down these paths or choose these methods is longer than we could possibly address on this blog. Are you one of these parents? How do you compensate?

 

 

 

Podcast Episode 15 – Give Your Child the Freedom to Fail

The Fathers Mandate Part 4 of 8
From Growing Kids God’s Way
Scroll down to the reference for Chapter 4

The Fathers Mandate Part 4 of 8
http://www.growingkids.org/leaders/gkgw-chapter-summaries/
Scroll down to the reference for Chapter 4

4.  A father must give his children the freedom to fail.

– Your children need to freedom to fail…in front of Dad.
– So many adults are haunted by the fact that they feel like they could never live up to -dad’s expectations.
– Achievement and relationships are areas that your child will experience failure
– Your job is to help them find the blessings

I have already covered the following:
1.  A father must cultivate a sense of family identity.
2.  A father must regularly demonstrate love to his wife.
3.  A father must understand and respect his child’s private world.

In the coming weeks I will share ideas to help dads fulfill the remaining mandates
5.  A father must be the encourager of the family.
6.  A father must guard his tongue and his tone and learn to measure his response against the excitement on their faces.
7.  A father must routinely embrace his children.
8.  A father must build the trusting relationship on God’s Word, not on human wisdom.

Tech Time

iPhone  or Droid for your children?

The iPhone has some pretty good security features to limit and control access. See security settings that I recommend on the iPhone, iPad, and iPod Touch.

FEEDBACK:

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Technology Safety is more about Behavior than the Technology!

 

Podcast Episode 10 – Cell Phones, Character Training, Facebook

Daddy Life Podcast Show Notes

Cell Phone Security Tips
Caden’s Page – Surgery date of September 22. Details will be on Caden’s Page.

Review of Facebook policy on access to your kids accounts

Moral maturity is not about age

Relationship and character training

BetterDadPodcast – Hank will be a guest on an upcoming episode of the Becoming a Better Dad Podcast with Andy and Cory.

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Technology Safety is more about Behavior than the Technology!