Podcast Episode 12 – GKGW Fathers Mandate 1 – Cultivate a Sense of Family Idenity

Part 1 of an 8 part series on how I implement the Fathers Mandate from chapter 4 of the Growing Kids God’s Way (GKGW) parenting series by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo. This episode provides a short click from GKGW session four where Mr. Ezzo introduces the first mandate.

CNN Opinion article Why Men are in Trouble by William J Bennett
“Today, 18-to- 34-year-old men spend more time playing video games a day than 12-to- 17-year-old boys.” via Shawn Wood

Courageous Movie opened Friday September 30th. This awesome movie is a great challenge for dayd, Courageous came in number one in the box office for new releases last weekend.

Parenting and Relationships

The Father’s Mandate – How I cultivate a sense of family identity.

  • Special family activities Gingerbread train
  • Other cooking activities like 4 year old biscuits
  • Let them help you with tasks around the house even if it slows you down
  • Create memories with special activities and trips (NC apple picking, family camping, fishing, geocaching)
  • Be the spiritual leader by praying and leading devotionals with the family – As kids get older let them lead portions of the devotional time
  • Take your child shopping or on errands
  • Be proud of your family – as Mr Ezzo said be the cheer leader (We are the Osbornes and we…) Rise above the level of mediocrity!
  • Holidays (we work very hard to tell our kids the truth. We do not lie about Santa, the tooth fairy, or the Easter bunny.) Read about how Halloween is different in our family.

Tech Time

Facebook Share “feature”

My friend, we will call him John, shares a photo on his wall. He shared it via the “share” button from his friend Sue who shared it from her “Wall Photos” album. I am only friends with John and I am not friends with Sue on Facebook. BUT, now that my friend John has shared a photo from Sue, I can not click on that photo and then cycle through all of the Wall photos that Sue has ever shared….and get this…I can even comment on those photos. Sue does not know me and I do not know Sue but here I am leaving comments on Sue’s wall.

The reverse is true. Based on the default settings in Facebook…Once you share a photo it can be shared by any one of your friends and their friends can then share it and so on and so forth. And all of the friends of all of the people who have shared the photo now have access to view and write comments on ALL of the photos in the album that contains the one photo that your friend shared.

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Technology Safety is more about Behavior than the Technology!

Halloween is Optional

Stop before you go blowing a bunch of money on Halloween candy or costumes. Halloween can be skipped with absolutely no ill affects. As a matter of fact, as parents, you can use this holiday as a teaching opportunity and build on your family identity in the process.

But everyone else is doing it. We have always done it this way. Yes, there is an overwhelming urge even as adults to do things just because other people are doing it or because these things are just things that we have always done.  We don’t want to be the weird one in the bunch. We don’t want to have people make fun of us. We just want to have a little fun. These are all very common response when I ask why people participate in halloween activities. The truth is that not everyone is doing it and you should not feel guilty if you choose not to do Halloween.

Halloween provides an excellent opportunity for parents to build on family identity. If you are not certain why you participate in Halloween activities other than “just to have fun” or “because it is what we have always done” then you might consider letting the October 31st pass by in your house as if it were any other day of the year. We have done this for several years now and have seen no negative affects.

Why pick on Halloween? Why use this holiday as teachable moment or as a way to set your family apart from other families? For our family it is a personal conviction that stems from our faith in God. I first wrote about this five years ago and received some very positive feedback and encouragment from readers of my personal blog The Land of Ozz. Here is an excerpt from that original blog post titled Halloween – Should Christians Participate?:

A few days ago I was involved in a conversation where someone said that “everyone needs a spooky computer background for Halloween.” I simply said, “I don’t do Halloween”. The response of another person was, “to each his own” in a gruff and grumpy sort of way. The amount of truth from that comment is staggering even though it was delivered to me with a very disapproving tone. For the purposes of this article I will define this phrase “to each his own” as a person’s right to choose.

I have already made the choice for my family based on prayer, research, and discussions with my best friend (my wife). We no longer buy or make costumes, attend festivals, go trick or treating, and we do not give out candy. We just plain avoid the whole thing all together. It has actually been a pretty simple deal once we committed to the decision.

Not all Christians share our convictions on this subject. As a matter of fact I would guess that a majority of Christians disagree with our response to Halloween. As you can see above I have wrote in much more detail about what line of thinking originally brought us to a decision to stop participating in Halloween. I encourage you to read more of my thoughts on the subject if you are looking for encouragement to stop participating in Halloween. Not everyone is participating and you should not feel obligated to do so with your family. And this is not just a narrow minded Christian view point either. Many people of other faiths understand the roots of this holiday and choose not to participate. Here are a few other blog posts from years past on this subject:

Halloween and Christian Families
Halloween II – Why Christians Should not Celebrate

As parents we can be different and should be different. We should strive to be the best parents that we can be and not settle for “at least as good as Fill in the Blank“. Doing thing like everyone else will result in raising kids just like everyone else.

What will you do to help your family stand out as unique? How will you rise above mediocrity as a family? Are you considering a change to your response to Halloween?

 

Podcast Episode 10 – Cell Phones, Character Training, Facebook

Daddy Life Podcast Show Notes

Cell Phone Security Tips
Caden’s Page – Surgery date of September 22. Details will be on Caden’s Page.

Review of Facebook policy on access to your kids accounts

Moral maturity is not about age

Relationship and character training

BetterDadPodcast – Hank will be a guest on an upcoming episode of the Becoming a Better Dad Podcast with Andy and Cory.

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Technology Safety is more about Behavior than the Technology!

 


We Don’t Always Get What We Ask For


Parents of special needs children will tell you that they did not expect or specifically ask for the challenges that they face.  There are those rare gems who seek out special needs children to foster or adopt and I believe those parents will have a mansion or a castle in heaven as a reward. As a parent of a child who has severe medical issues I can tell you that the life we lead is very different that what we expected when my wife became pregnant with our second child in 2004. The difference has turned out to be such a blessing to us and so many others who have come into contact with our almost seven year old son Caden.

We visited a new church (Deer Park Baptist) this weekend. The message delivered by Dr. Stephen Carr was great. We learned how horrible of neighbors we are when the pastor looked at our visitors card and then proceeded to tell me that he lived two houses away from us on the same side of the street. [blushing] It turns out we had both been witnessing to the same family for some time now. I am sure we will spend some time getting to know each other moving forward.

Like with most sermons different people often learn different things from the same message regardless of what the pastor is teaching on. In this case I believe God spoke to me in a way the pastor may never have intended when planning this message. The message was framed by the interaction between Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well in John chapter 4. I am pretty sure the pastor’s primary intent was to encourage believers to use average conversations to share the gospel so other people would get saved as a result. Just as Jesus did with the woman at the well by sharing the promise of eternal life. She in turn shared with others who also believed. I got a bonus message from a nugget he threw in there when describing the dynamics of the interaction between Jesus and the Samaritan woman. Here is how the passage goes in John 4:

7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?”8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.t)

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” (NIV)

As the pastor pointed out, the Samaritan woman did not know what she was asking for. She was obviously asking for drinking water even though Jesus had just explained that he was offering something very different. What she got from Jesus turned out to be best for her and it saved her and many in her community. What the woman intended to gain with her request appears to have been a purely selfish. That way she “won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water”.

This is like when parents pray for a healthy child (some for purely selfish reasons). they want the perfect child in every way. They want a healthy, smart, and beautiful child. And then they end up with what the world describes as a “sick” child. Our son Caden if often referred to as sick by the doctors due to the vast number of complicated medical issues Caden has and still does face. Caden has had way more major surgeries than birthdays, surgeries on his heart, neck, stomach, and spine. Caden is exclusively tube fed and has never taken single bite of food by mouth and he has never been able to drink from a cup to satisfy his thirst even though he so desires to do so to this day. Not exactly what can be described as healthy.

Just like the woman asked Jesus for water even though he had described something different, we asked God in our prayers early in the pregnancy for a healthy child and he knew exactly what was giving to us. Just like Jesus did give the Samaritan woman water based on his definition, Jesus gave us a healthy child based on his definition, not ours. The woman did have to go back to the well for water to sustain her physical body. We have had to go back to the hospital to sustain Caden’s health.

What we received from God was an encounter with Him that sparked a change in the community around us like we could have never imagined. Like with many special needs children, you only need to spend a few minutes one-on-one with Caden to fall in love with him. God is using him to create a new definition for the word healthy.

As parents of a special needs child we have received way more than we could have asked for or imagined. We have a child that God has used to bring our family closer together, bring us closer to our friends, and closer to God himself. I don’t know exactly how many or if any have been saved as a result, but I know there will be some. Glory to God!

Podcast Episode 5 – Social Media and Soical Engineering

This episode covers the following topics:

Are you friends with your child on Facebook?

Did you know that there is a good chance your child has a social media account even though you may not approve?

Facebook terms of Use

Social Engineering

Spear Phishing

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DaddyLife.net Podcast

I hope my kids can’t remember

…the first time I ever prayed with them.  I know that sounds weird, but stick with me on this one.  I was listening to a pastor on the radio a while back.  The pastor talked about how dads really should be setting the example for their kids.  Many parents tell their kids, “Give me a kiss and then go on up to bed…oh, and don’t forget to say your prayers.”  If the statistics being thrown around are close to being correct, then this sort of dialog is much more likely to be the norm in most Christian homes.

Some of you parents may have heard something like this before, but I am going to say it again.  Way more is caught than taught.  You can not sit in your recliner and give the old “do as I say and not as I do” speech and expect it to work.  That dog won’t hunt, especially with the older kids.  Get up and join your children in their bedtime prayers.  Teach them how to talk to God by your example.  Do you remember the last time you prayed with your children other than when giving thanks for food?

I hope that my kids are not able to remember the first time I prayed with them.  I want prayer to be so much of a routine part of our lives that they can not remember when it started because it was farther back than their memory can stretch.  I challenge all dads to get a similar mindset towards prayer and daily devotional with their kids.

HowTo Train Your Child to use the Internet Safely

9 year old driving 64 Ford FairlaneI began driving without direct adult supervision when I was age nine (9). I chauffeured my little sister (age 2) and my dog Duke all over our family’s 26 acre hog farm. I was not allowed to leave the farm and venture onto the country road that we lived on, but I could drive all over the farm as long as my parents were home and I asked permission before firing up the old baby-blue 1964 Ford Fairlane. As long as I drove safe and stayed within my boundaries, I was allowed to drive the Fairlane from time-to-time.

My guess is that most rural kids learned to drive in much the same way.  You probably started learning to operate the pedals, steering wheel, and shifter in a pasture, on a quiet country road, or in a giant abandoned parking lot.  Your parent or grandparent was right there at your side providing instructions, sometimes to the point of annoying you.  You trusted their advice because you had been witnessing their safe operation of this vehicle or others first-hand for nearly a decade or more.

After a while you arrived at the age of 15 and got your “Learners Permit” by taking a written examination.  You could only drive on the street during the day with a licensed adult driver in the front seat of the car with you. Then at age 16 you were eligible to take the practical driving test. This test consisted of driving around for about an hour with some stranger who made you perform like a circus animal. For the grand finale you demonstrated your parallel parking skills.

If all went well you were given a brand new a shiny red corvette convertible with no restrictions and a gas card with an unlimited balance.  Okay, maybe not.  Instead there were still restrictions and boundaries set on when you could take mom’s station wagon, where you were allowed to go, and when you had to be home. Violate any or all of the above and you might not have drove again for as long as you lived with your parents.

Safe Driving on the Internet

Training your child to use the Internet should be approached in much the same way that we were taught to drive a car:

  1. Demonstrate safe and responsible use of technology
  2. Start young and allow them to sit on your lap and operate the controls
  3. Start slow in a safe place when you do give them the controls
  4. Sit at their side and offer advice for a while
  5. Monitor their use of the technology
  6. Always maintain and communicate boundaries in your home
  7. Don’t be afraid to restrict access when the technology is misused

It is that simple. But don’t forget the Basics of Internet Safety involves much more than teaching the skills. A trusting relationship between you and your child will make it much easier for them to receive instruction and operate within your boundaries.   The basics will also set the stage for them to return to you when they are faced with something that they don’t understand or feel comfortable with while using technology.

Internet Safety Basics for Parents

Like a lock, Internet filtering software is for honest people.

Providing good character training and a strong relationship with your child is the foundation of Internet safety in your family.  Your child needs to be able to recognize when he is exposed to something dangerous and he needs to trust you enough to be able to share concerns about what he faces.

It is never too late to begin character training, but the earlier the better.  You also need to model good character traits especially to your young child. Young children in particular learn more from what they see you do rather than what you say. Be careful to always tell the truth and follow rules that apply to you as you go through the day. Be sure to point out to your young child that you are obeying the rules that apply to you.  For instance you might ask your child if she knows why you did not park in the handicap spot and be ready to explain if she does not know the answer.

Building a strong relationship with your child is a long process. Trust and honesty needs to be modeled.  As your child gets older you will actually give your child opportunities to demonstrate trust to you.  You might tell your eight year old that you are going to allow him to get up and go into the living room to read in the morning if he normally wakes before everyone else.  If he sticks to reading as opposed to watching television or playing video games then he has demonstrated a level of trust to you.  One of the ways my wife and I model trust is to share access to all email and social networking accounts.  This practice has other benefits that I will share later, but it certainly serves as a model of trust between family members.

The bottom line is that all of the Internet filtering software and restrictions on when/how the Internet can be used will be a waste of time if your child is not honest and trustworthy.  There are too many ways around your rules and the technology filters if your child decides to go where they want against your wishes.  As previously stated, just like locks, Internet filters are for honest people.

Remember: Technology Safety is more about Behavior than the Technology!

Get more details on How To Train Your Child To Use The Internet Safely.