Archives for June 2011

Introductions and Reason Why I Produce this Podcast

This episode was focused on introducing me (Hank), my family, and providing the reason behind this podcast and this site.  Some links mentioned during the podcast were:

HOEI.com – My original home on the Internet
GFI.org – Growing Families International
On Becoming Baby Wise: Giving Your Infant the Gift of Nighttime Sleep
YouTube – HOEI.com channel
HomeSchoolSupport.net

Sherry and I got married in 2000. We both love serving in the Growing Families International parenting ministry.

Our Four Boys:

Riley is nine years old. He plays piano, participates in Cub Scouts, and loves outside activities. He also likes playing chess and Wii.

Caden is seven years old. He is our silly boy. He loves being loved. He is very compassionate. He likes Richard Scarry books, trains, Hungry Hippos, and playing Wii. Caden faces some severe medical conditions and does it with a smile on his face. He is the kid who God uses to teach is patience and sympathy.

JJ (Josiah) is four years old and is our little Kool-Aid man. He has a presence about him that brings attention to him when he enters a room. He likes helicopters, trains, and planes. He is a charismatic and charming little boy who loves people. He is the life of the party in our house.

Levi is 18 months old and

The following link was not mentioned but you will hear more about it later. This is where I started my very first blog in 2004.

Caden’s Page – Details about our experiences with our child who has suffered from severe medical conditions.

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Internet Threats – Fear Not

Potential threats are to be respected but not feared. We can minimize or completely elevated most threats with proper defense tactics and response planning. The threats your family faces with technology vary from one family to the next.  For someone to be a threat to your family there needs to be some likely hood that the person could cause you harm or damage. The likely hood that damage or harm will occur to your family is driven by a number of factors including but not limited to:

  • safeguards you have in place,
  • child training that you have performed,
  • ages of children,
  • moral maturity of children,
  • amount of online financial transactions your family does,
  • your family members’ tolerance for approving “friends” on social media sites,
  • amount of online interactive gaming,
  • family members’ texting habits

We will revisit these threats and others more in depth later.  The point of this post is to give you some confidence in the fact that threats are not to be feared.

My friends over at B.E.L.T. Training have a quote posted on the front page of their website.

“In society there are sheep, there are wolves and then there are sheep dogs…. Sheep are kind, gentle, productive creatures who can only hurt one another by accident. Wolves feed on the sheep without mercy. Sheepdogs live to protect the flock and confront the wolf.”

-Lt. Col. Dave Grossman-                                                              www.killology.com

The quote by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman rings true in the family as well. We as parents are much like the sheepdogs when it comes to Internet Safety.  We are not offensive in our tactics, but are alert and ready to defend our sheep at anytime.

I like to hold on to a few verses in the Bible to encourage me in how to view threats to our family. In Ephesians 6:10-17  there is a suit of armor described. The armor pieces are presented as tools to help stand firm against our enemy.  When I take that and another single verse from 2nd Timothy I find encouragement in standing firm with confidence in the face of enemies. “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2nd Timothy 1:7” Obviously the Bible is not talking about Internet Threats, but hopefully the principle of being prepared and standing with confidence does rind true with you.

The Internet, cell phones, tablet computers, smart phones, game consoles, electronic book readers and other technology tools are are not evil and are not threats to our families. There are people who exploit these tools’ weaknesses to mount attacks against our families.  Their motives and actions are where you find the evil. Some people only perform their malicious actions to attempt to bring about fear. Through this site you will be provided with armor to be able stand firm against these threats. There is nothing to fear.

HowTo Train Your Child to use the Internet Safely

9 year old driving 64 Ford FairlaneI began driving without direct adult supervision when I was age nine (9). I chauffeured my little sister (age 2) and my dog Duke all over our family’s 26 acre hog farm. I was not allowed to leave the farm and venture onto the country road that we lived on, but I could drive all over the farm as long as my parents were home and I asked permission before firing up the old baby-blue 1964 Ford Fairlane. As long as I drove safe and stayed within my boundaries, I was allowed to drive the Fairlane from time-to-time.

My guess is that most rural kids learned to drive in much the same way.  You probably started learning to operate the pedals, steering wheel, and shifter in a pasture, on a quiet country road, or in a giant abandoned parking lot.  Your parent or grandparent was right there at your side providing instructions, sometimes to the point of annoying you.  You trusted their advice because you had been witnessing their safe operation of this vehicle or others first-hand for nearly a decade or more.

After a while you arrived at the age of 15 and got your “Learners Permit” by taking a written examination.  You could only drive on the street during the day with a licensed adult driver in the front seat of the car with you. Then at age 16 you were eligible to take the practical driving test. This test consisted of driving around for about an hour with some stranger who made you perform like a circus animal. For the grand finale you demonstrated your parallel parking skills.

If all went well you were given a brand new a shiny red corvette convertible with no restrictions and a gas card with an unlimited balance.  Okay, maybe not.  Instead there were still restrictions and boundaries set on when you could take mom’s station wagon, where you were allowed to go, and when you had to be home. Violate any or all of the above and you might not have drove again for as long as you lived with your parents.

Safe Driving on the Internet

Training your child to use the Internet should be approached in much the same way that we were taught to drive a car:

  1. Demonstrate safe and responsible use of technology
  2. Start young and allow them to sit on your lap and operate the controls
  3. Start slow in a safe place when you do give them the controls
  4. Sit at their side and offer advice for a while
  5. Monitor their use of the technology
  6. Always maintain and communicate boundaries in your home
  7. Don’t be afraid to restrict access when the technology is misused

It is that simple. But don’t forget the Basics of Internet Safety involves much more than teaching the skills. A trusting relationship between you and your child will make it much easier for them to receive instruction and operate within your boundaries.   The basics will also set the stage for them to return to you when they are faced with something that they don’t understand or feel comfortable with while using technology.

10 Simple Security Tips for Mac

There are some basic, but very important security steps that you should follow on your Mac immediately. These are recommended regardless of whether you are allowing your child to use your Mac.

  1. Install an antivirus program. Some options are McAfee, Norton, or Trend Micro
  2. Use a strong password. Your password should be at least 8 characters long and contain upper, lower, a number and a special character. You password should not contain any part of your login name or the computer name.  Here is a good password:  Il!ke2fly  That is a short sentence “I like to fly” crammed together into a nine character password. The number “2” substituted the word “to” and then with an exclamation point in place of an “I”.

    The following options are all found under the “Applications” menu and the under “System Preferences”
  3. Install the latest “Software Updates”
  4. Adjust Desktop & Screensaver to “Start Screen Saver” in 15 minutes or less
  5. Go to Security settings and check the box by “Require password (5 seconds) after sleep or screen saver begins”.  I would set this to immediately if it were not for the hot corners that I accidentally activate from time to time.

  6. Create a unique account for each user. Use the “Standard” option for you and other adults and us the “Managed with Parental Controls” account option for your kids. We will talk more about how to “control” these accounts later. The following can be found under the “Login Options” of the Accounts
  7. Disable/Turn Off the “Automatic login” feature
  8. Disable/uncheck the radio button for “Show Password Hints”
    Showing the password hint only empowers an unauthorized user with more information to guess you password.
  9. Disable/uncheck  “Show input menu in login window”
  10. Configure your system to Ignore all CDs and DVDs. This prevents automatic functions from being run do to simply inserting a CD or DVD.

What other simple suggestions do you have?  Do you disagree with any of the above?

Anatomy of a Computer Virus – Stuxnet

You are not likely to have this sophisticated of an attack on your home…ever, but this video does help drive home how real and serious computer security is to us all. This video is based on a true story of a virus named Stuxnet that was discovered in July 2010. Many security professionals believe that this virus was tailor built to target the Iranian nuclear enrichment process.

Stuxnet: Anatomy of a Computer Virus from Patrick Clair on Vimeo.

The highest ranking Cyber Security Officer in the US Department of Homeland Security (Phillip Reitinger) had this to say back in March 2011:

The truth about the Internet right now is that offense wins. If somebody wants to break into your computer and they have the time and resources to apply, they will be able to get in. If you want to defend your computer completely, you better not connect it to the Internet, not use it, and not even power it on.

– Hat tip to my friend Brad Shannon who led me to this video.

Parents Responsible for Child Safety Online

Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and other social media sites can be a dangerous environment for children. “In my opinion the parents hold ultimate responsibility for protecting their children from Internet threats.” That’s how I phrased it in a 2006 blog post in response to one of several law suites related to child safety online. A Texas judge’s ruling in one of these cases in 2007 agreed with my opinion.

U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks ruled Wednesday that MySpace, like other online forums, should not be held responsible for what happened. “If anyone had a duty to protect Julie Doe, it was her parents, not MySpace,” he wrote.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/02/15/BUGEKO4VU01.DTL#ixzz1P7xeMMsu

Many parents including the ones on the other end of this law suite don’t agree with the ruling.  Many parents would like to hand over responsibility to others in dealing with the hard issues they face. There are plenty of arguments about how kids sneak around and some say it can’t be prevented. That is a very weak excuse for parents to do nothing and the law is not on your side if you are one of these parents.

I have been focusing my attention on this issue of child safety online for more than five years. I am a computer security expert with 15 years of experience in dealing with Internet, computer, and network security.  I have seen or heard of just about everything. And there are answers to the problems.

There are some great tools and web sites out there to help parents protect their children, but there are just as many if not more sites that teach kids how to circumvent the parent’s best efforts. I will help you detect if your child is trying to get around your Internet monitoring and security solutions.  That will lead you to the more basic parenting issues of dealing with your child’s character and trust relationships.

The computers and cells phone are just tools. It is important to remember that kids are using these tools to create and grow relationships in the same way many of us did in malls, movie theaters, skating rinks, on the cruising strip, or even in churches. Regardless of where a child meets a stranger, that child needs to have the built in ability to make good decisions when making new friends. There are no classes in your local public school to teach kids character and how to build healthy relationships.  Academics are the focus and that leaves no time for character training. There are some great resources to help parents learn how to get to the heart of their child so that the child will respect the parents advice and teachings in these areas. You will find some of these great resources in the Parenting section of my Book Recommendations page on HOEI.com.

Stay tuned to this blog for my upcoming articles aimed at Internet Safety. I will be educating you parents on the ways your tech savvy teens may be bypassing your best attempts to secure your computers and Internet connection. Then I will help you determine what to do next and how to do it.

Internet Safety Basics for Parents

Like a lock, Internet filtering software is for honest people.

Providing good character training and a strong relationship with your child is the foundation of Internet safety in your family.  Your child needs to be able to recognize when he is exposed to something dangerous and he needs to trust you enough to be able to share concerns about what he faces.

It is never too late to begin character training, but the earlier the better.  You also need to model good character traits especially to your young child. Young children in particular learn more from what they see you do rather than what you say. Be careful to always tell the truth and follow rules that apply to you as you go through the day. Be sure to point out to your young child that you are obeying the rules that apply to you.  For instance you might ask your child if she knows why you did not park in the handicap spot and be ready to explain if she does not know the answer.

Building a strong relationship with your child is a long process. Trust and honesty needs to be modeled.  As your child gets older you will actually give your child opportunities to demonstrate trust to you.  You might tell your eight year old that you are going to allow him to get up and go into the living room to read in the morning if he normally wakes before everyone else.  If he sticks to reading as opposed to watching television or playing video games then he has demonstrated a level of trust to you.  One of the ways my wife and I model trust is to share access to all email and social networking accounts.  This practice has other benefits that I will share later, but it certainly serves as a model of trust between family members.

The bottom line is that all of the Internet filtering software and restrictions on when/how the Internet can be used will be a waste of time if your child is not honest and trustworthy.  There are too many ways around your rules and the technology filters if your child decides to go where they want against your wishes.  As previously stated, just like locks, Internet filters are for honest people.

Remember: Technology Safety is more about Behavior than the Technology!

Get more details on How To Train Your Child To Use The Internet Safely.

Creative Parenting: Lie to your kids?

Lying is exactly what the Ad Council suggests parents do to motivate kids. The Ad Council is playing public service announcements to educate parents on “creative” ways to help their kids eat healthier and stay active. The pubic service announcements are created in partnership with the US Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) and the US Department of Agriculture (USDA). All of this is intended to support the First Lady’s Let’s Move campaign.

One of the Ad Council radio ads is titled Silly Kids.  The actress in the ad does not admit to lying to the children about vegetables, but there is certainly enough information to suggest that they recommend that parents lie to kids to get them to eat vegetables. Why couldn’t the ad council simply stick to truth?  One truly creative way to encourage kids to eat vegetables is for parents to involve kids in growing their own vegetables.  Our oldest son Riley willingly ate his first onion when he planted, watered, and harvested the onion himself.  Our little garden only takes up a section of the yard 8 feet wide by 8 feet long.

Check out this 30 second Ad Council video titled Wallet.  The audio plays on the radio in our local market. This video takes away all doubt about whether the Ad Council is actually advocating that parents lie to their kids.

The bottom line is that lying should never be used to parent your kids. Lying damages the trust in the relationship between the parent and the child.  Trust is priceless as your children get older.  Parents should strive to build and maintain trust. Your children will more likely to  trust your advice and turn to you for help when they face increasing complicated situations in their life related to drugs, sex, and alcohol.  Your knowledge, experience, and wisdom will serve your children much better than anything you have to offer. Tell you kids the truth and give your kids the gift of a strong trusting relationship.

Do Child Safety Seats Expire?

Some manufacturers and car seat technicians say that car seats do expire. But the facts are few and far between on this subject.

A few years ago we went through the same task of rearranging car seats for our kids. Riley moved into a booster and Josiah had out grown the infant car seat (carrier). We had a fairly nice Britax that we got when Riley was less than a year old. It was in good condition and had never been in a vehicle when an accident occurred. The seat was nearly six years old and I was wondering whether or not the seat was still usable despite its appearance. I had heard that car seats expire. Is this a true statement?

I probably would not have even given this a thought but rather let common sense dictate whether or not to replace a car seat. But, sometime during the previous spring we had a fire rescue team at our church one Sunday afternoon doing inspections on the installation of our car seats for anyone who wanted to participate. Ours were all installed and being used correctly, but the technician did give me a little feedback that I found interesting. One of the things he told me was that Riley’s Britax seat was expired. “DO WHAT?,” was my reply. This guy proceeded to tell me that car seats expire after five years. Don’t get me wrong. I get the concept. These things are made of mostly plastic and plastics can become weak when it gets pushed and pulled on enough. The belts can become weak when they get enough acidic spit up, juices, and other foreign substances on them over the years. All that said, you would think that the manufacture would have this plastered all over the boxes that these things come in. After all, that would equate to a fresh sell ever five years and more revenue for their companies. Anyway, I heard what the guy said and went on about my business since this he did not give me a reference for his data. Even though I did get the concept, how can you you pick a number and say that in X number of years a car seat will expire? In my opinion you can’t because there are too many variables to consider.

Here are some facts about car seat expiration. There are currently no federal laws requiring that child safety seats have an expiration date. I have also found no state laws referring specifically to expiration dates. If you find that a seat has an expiration on it, you are not likely to get put into jail for using it past its expiration date, but you should certainly contact the manufacture to make sure you understand why they put that date on the seat.

Yes, some seats have expiration dates on them? Why? The explanations vary. Maybe the seat nmaufactures are trying to ride the wave of fear created by the technicians who tell us that the seats to expire. Many “convertible” car seats are sold touting that they can be used for 5-35 lbs rear facing and from 20-50 lbs forward facing. Those seats would need to be replaced before one child outgrew them if they were to expire in five or six years. For instance, the average boy will reach 20 lbs between 8-9 months of age based on the CDC Clinical Growth Charts that most of our pediatricians use. That same average boy will reach 50 lbs at about 7 years of age. That means that the average male child would be required to get a new seat before reaching the maximum allowed weight for most convertible seats simply due to an expiration.

Some Child Passenger Safety Technicians claim to have been taught that seats expire after five or six years depending on who trained them.  One organization that offers certification classes for Child Passenger Safety Technicians says, “Make sure the safety seat is less than 10 years old (preferably less than five), the expiration date stamped on the plastic has not passed, and it has never been used in a crash.” Reference

The bottom line is that opinions rather than facts seem to be driving the five, six, or ten year expiration date. The expiration age varies depending on who you talk to. 

Honey-Do – Involve Your Kids

Projects around the house and trips to the local home improvement store provide great opportunities to spend time with your kids while getting working done on that all important Honey-Do list. Bringing small kids into projects can slow things down a little bit, but the time spent together is well worth the additional time taken to complete a project.

As an example my raised garden was overrun by roots from a nearby sweet gum tree last year.  The only way to rid myself of the roots before this year’s gardening season was to remove all the dirt (and roots) and then put a plastic liner in the raised bed before replacing the dirty. My three oldest boys were more than willing to help remove the roots from this 64 cubic foot pile of dirt.  They spent most of the day with daddy while getting to make as big of a mess as their little hearts desired.

JJ and Caden shoveling dirt

JJ and Caden Shoveling Dirt

This post is participating in Fatherhood Friday on Dad Exchange.