My beautiful wife has shared some awesome tips for parents with a special needs child that is also homeschooled. Check out the latest podcast on the Home School Support Network to learn how we deal with tough times with a special needs child in our home.
Sink Bath
Pinewood Derby Cars 2012
This is Caden’s first year in Cub Scouts. He and his brothers recently attended an event at the local Lowe’s store in Goose Creek, SC called Pinewood Derby® Days. This is sponsored by Lowe’s and Dremel® tools to help boys create their derby cars while learning about the safe use of tools.
Temperaments and Parenting
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In this episode I have a very special guest. My wife Sherry and I introduce you to the four temperaments. Sherry and I also co-host the Home School Support Network (HSSN) podcast and blog. We have produced a HSSN episode on temperaments as well.
Why temperaments?
Our understanding of temperaments has been most helpful in understanding what makes our family members tick. This is helpful in a marriage relationship, with understanding why grandma and grandpa do things a certain way, and most importantly what makes our children “tick”… so to speak. We have taught parents on the subject of temperaments for over five years. We have learned over the years from books, observations of parents we have mentored, and from various speakers throughout the country.
Your temperament is God given and does not change. Each temperament has strengths, weaknesses, and one specific area of weakness that is more dominant than other weaknesses. There are four types with many “blends”- most people have a primary and secondary and keep in mind you may have the strengths of one and the weakness of another.
What are the four temperaments we will cover in this podcast episode?
Choleric (lion): task oriented-extrovert
Sanguine (otter): people oriented-extrovert
Melancholy (beaver): task oriented-introvert
Phlegmatic (golden retriever): people oriented- introvert
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Spirit-Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye
Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself by Florence Littauer
The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality by Dr. John Trent and Gary Smalley
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Episode 20 – Holiday Traditions
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Gingerbread Train
I talked about Family Identity in Episode 12. It is important for dads to cultivate a sense of family identity. Getting your family together for a project like an annual gingerbread train or house is a great way to build family identity. Enter your creation into a competition. Have some fun with the project by creating some custom cars. Read more about the annual Osborne Family Gingerbread Train on Grill’n Time.
The Father’s Mandate – Where to learn more?
Best – Take a Growing Kids God’s Way class in a small group setting
Better – Go through the videos as a couple at home (GFI.org sale)
Good – Read On Becoming Childwise: Parenting Your Child from 3-7 Years
Find a Growing Kids God’s Way Class in your local area by visiting the GrowingKids.org web site. Use the “General Ministry or Curriculum” contact email address to ask about classes in your area.
Listen to the eight part series on The Father’s Mandate
1. A father must cultivate a sense of family identity.
2. A father must regularly demonstrate love to his wife.
3. A father must understand and respect his child’s private world.
4. A father must give his children the freedom to fail.
5. A father must be the encourager of the family.
6. A father must guard his tongue and his tone and learn to measure his response against the excitement on their faces.
7. A father must routinely embrace his children.
8. A father must build the trusting relationship on God’s Word, not on human wisdom.
Update on Caden – He broke his arm and the next week was hospitalized with pneumonia.
Tech Time:
Leo Laporte and Steve Gibson – Security Now Podcast
Which apps are safer? Apps from the Android market or the Apple App store?
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Why do we do Santa?
Tonight we visited a local Christian radio station (WKCL) with the Caden’s Tiger Den from the Cub Scout pack. It was a Go-See-It event that helps the Tigers earn the next rank in scouts. While there we learned all about mass communications. But it was a minor conversation that created the most excitement for our family. One of the scout leaders asked if the kids were ready for Santa. And then it happened. Our little four-year-old Josiah stepped up to educate the leader on the truth about Santa in the midst of a room full of 1st graders and their siblings. Sherry was able to stop him before he spilled the beans and sent a room full of kids out of the building crying. I was left once again asking myself why we parents feel so compelled to do Santa?
Maybe because we are immersed in Santa Claus. We are surrounded by Santa no matter where we go these days. Santa is in parades, sitting in the malls, standing on the street corner, popping in at various Christmas parties, inflated standing fifteen feet tall on the neighbor’s lawn, and zooming across the weatherman’s radar screen delivering gifts on Christmas Eve.
Parents go to great lengths to explain this mysterious man to their children. Children are told to be good so that Santa will bring them lots of stuff in return for their good behavior. They are told how Santa will come down the chimney and leave presents under the Christmas tree after the children are asleep on Christmas Eve. Then the children start to grow and learn how difficult it would be for one fat man in a red suite to visit billions of homes in one night. The parents then more often than not become more creative in their explanation of how Santa gets things done. Some children like those who live in mobile homes start to wonder how Santa will get into their house since their home has no chimney. This was a big issue in my home as a child. The parents then may hang an old skeleton key outside and tell the children that this is for Santa.
All of these things are done in fun and with the best of intentions. Parents and children alike enjoy these times. Then one day a child comes home with that question, “Is Santa Claus real? Susie told me that Santa’s not real.” Some parents come clean at that point while others find a way to extend the fun for just one or two more years by further exaggerating the story.
What’s wrong with having a little fun with your children at Christmas time by pretending there is a Santa? It’s just innocent fun, right? My wife and I felt that it was okay for the first two years that we celebrated Christmas as parents. Then my wife came home one night about a month before Christmas from her book club meeting and said, “I am not sure how you feel about this, but I would like for us to reconsider how we celebrate Christmas.” Man what a relief it was for me. I was playing the Santa game to keep my wife happy. So the conversation was not as long and complicated as Sherry thought it might become.
That year we asked our family members not to make such a big deal over Santa. And we have not turned back. We are still often faced with the situations like the one we faced tonight, but we have not regretted the decision one bit.
There’s no way to avoid these types of situations like tonight, but what you have planted in your child’s heart will eventually shine through. My oldest son at a tender age of three was responding frequently with, “we celebrate Jesus’ birthday for Christmas at our house.” You would be absolutely amazed at the smiles that response brings to so many adults. You see, we are not teaching our children that Santa is bad or wrong, but rather we are teaching our children that Christmas is a day when we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Okay I know Jesus may have not been born in December, but Christmas in the Spring would jam it up against Easter. We give gifts to others to show our love for them. I personally try to make sure that the spirit of giving is similar to the spirit of giving God showed when sending Jesus. That gift of Jesus was not based on how good or bad we were, but was giving as an unconditional love gift from our heavenly father.
Oddly enough I have found some of the most frank responses to how so many people(Christians included) do Santa on the Atheism section of About.com. The article is titled Santa Claus: Should Parents Perpetuate the Santa Claus Myth? and it is packed full of great explanations on why, in my opinion, the “little white lie” is not a healthy practice. By the way, it should be obvious from my previous paragraph that I do not endorse the anti-Christian atheist aspects of the About.com page linked above.
Update: A very wise mommy (Erika Shupe) has shared her advice on What to do with Santa over at Large Families on Purpose.
Do you do Santa? What are the reasons behind your decision?
Reason for the Season
Sherry and I recorded a new episode of the HSSN Podcast this week. Sherry shared some great resources to help teach your kids the true meaning of Christmas. These resources are valuable regardless of whether you are a parent of a kid in public, private or home school. Check out the post and podcast over at the Home School Support Network.
God’s Wisdom Above Man’s Wisdom
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Fathers Mandate number 8. A father must build the trusting relationships on God’s Word, not on human wisdom.
The Fathers Mandate Part 8 of 8
http://www.growingkids.org/leaders/gkgw-chapter-summaries/
Reference: Chapter 4 of Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo
Mr. Ezzo says that if you don’t get this then everything else in the other mandates does not matter.
From Psalm 118:8 (TLB) “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”
Who is God and what does He mean to you and your family?
Please remember that much more is caught than taught.
New dad wonders how to juggle parenting with football season
Football season!: How much is my child going to hate me as he grows up with me watching three football games in a row on Sundays, and another on Monday nights? (I do chores during breaks, I swear, but I’ve never had a baby or child to care for during football season before.)” Source Tampabay.com
Read God’s word in the Bible for yourself. That is how you will be able to determine what God’s wisdom is verses what other people around you say.
Reading Plans
By the numbers
99 Chapters in a month
5.5 Books per month
3.26 Chapters per dayYou can read the entire Bible from cover to cover in less than 100 hours.
Here are some audio Bibles: (aff)
The Word of Promise: Complete Audio BibleThe Complete Audio Holy Bible: King James Version
Why read? To get a better understanding of who God is and what He means to you and your family.
Proverbs 14:12 New King James Version (NKJV)
12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.
How to become a Christian:
1 John 1:9
New King James Version (NKJV)
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
Ephesians 2:8-9
New Living Translation (NLT)
8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.
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Parenting Matters in Education
An article in the NY Times this weekend emphasized the need for parentally involvement. While the studies that the article referenced focused on academics the last few words of the article I can agree with:
“…let’s stop putting the whole burden on teachers. We also need better parents. Better parents can make every teacher more effective.” Source
What I could not find in these study results was how effective parental involvement in teaching character development might help school performance. Teaching children manners, self-control, and respect for authority can go a long way in equipping a teacher for success.
I have known for a long time that parent involvement was the best solution to improving the public school system in this country. My wife taught 3rd grade in the public school system for a few years after graduating from college. My wife learned quickly that kids were not coming to school adequately prepared. By prepared I mean the basics. Kids had not been taught to sit quietly and respect authority. The kids had little self control and some would demand attention constantly as if they were the only child in the room that mattered.
What was the root of this? Many kids have missed out on some very basic parental involvement. In many families the definition of parental involvement has digressed to a point where it is measured by frequency of attendance at plays, music recitals, soccer games, cub scout meetings or baseball games. Many parents consider themselves involved if they check their kids’ homework, volunteer in the child’s class, and attend PTA meetings. A study referenced by the NY Times article was performed by The Center For Public Education. The limited results that they reported confirm what parents consider to be healthy participation by their own actions:
“National survey data from the National Center for Education Statistics shows that attending school meetings or events is the leading form of parent participation in schools, followed by school fundraising activities.” Source
And then some kids don’t even get this much involvement from their parents. Some are bounced from grandparents to friends homes for one reason or another. However the data by the Center for Public Education showed little difference in parental involvement across racial and economic lines.
“…while 82 percent of parents of white students said an adult checked their child’s homework, the rates were higher among parents of African American and Hispanic students, which reported rates of 94% and 91%, respectively. Other studies have shown that lower-income and minority parents often have the same level of involvement in education as others — even though it may not necessarily be reflected at PTA meetings or school fundraisers.”
All that said I would argue that these studies miss the mark from the start. The type of parental involvement needed most is the kind that teaches character and strong values. However this type of parental involvement is mostly outsourced to peers via day cares beginning as early as six weeks old in many families and then other families do so with pre-school programs by age three years. The list of reasons why parents are forced down these paths or choose these methods is longer than we could possibly address on this blog. Are you one of these parents? How do you compensate?