Halloween is Optional

Stop before you go blowing a bunch of money on Halloween candy or costumes. Halloween can be skipped with absolutely no ill affects. As a matter of fact, as parents, you can use this holiday as a teaching opportunity and build on your family identity in the process.

But everyone else is doing it. We have always done it this way. Yes, there is an overwhelming urge even as adults to do things just because other people are doing it or because these things are just things that we have always done.  We don’t want to be the weird one in the bunch. We don’t want to have people make fun of us. We just want to have a little fun. These are all very common response when I ask why people participate in halloween activities. The truth is that not everyone is doing it and you should not feel guilty if you choose not to do Halloween.

Halloween provides an excellent opportunity for parents to build on family identity. If you are not certain why you participate in Halloween activities other than “just to have fun” or “because it is what we have always done” then you might consider letting the October 31st pass by in your house as if it were any other day of the year. We have done this for several years now and have seen no negative affects.

Why pick on Halloween? Why use this holiday as teachable moment or as a way to set your family apart from other families? For our family it is a personal conviction that stems from our faith in God. I first wrote about this five years ago and received some very positive feedback and encouragment from readers of my personal blog The Land of Ozz. Here is an excerpt from that original blog post titled Halloween – Should Christians Participate?:

A few days ago I was involved in a conversation where someone said that “everyone needs a spooky computer background for Halloween.” I simply said, “I don’t do Halloween”. The response of another person was, “to each his own” in a gruff and grumpy sort of way. The amount of truth from that comment is staggering even though it was delivered to me with a very disapproving tone. For the purposes of this article I will define this phrase “to each his own” as a person’s right to choose.

I have already made the choice for my family based on prayer, research, and discussions with my best friend (my wife). We no longer buy or make costumes, attend festivals, go trick or treating, and we do not give out candy. We just plain avoid the whole thing all together. It has actually been a pretty simple deal once we committed to the decision.

Not all Christians share our convictions on this subject. As a matter of fact I would guess that a majority of Christians disagree with our response to Halloween. As you can see above I have wrote in much more detail about what line of thinking originally brought us to a decision to stop participating in Halloween. I encourage you to read more of my thoughts on the subject if you are looking for encouragement to stop participating in Halloween. Not everyone is participating and you should not feel obligated to do so with your family. And this is not just a narrow minded Christian view point either. Many people of other faiths understand the roots of this holiday and choose not to participate. Here are a few other blog posts from years past on this subject:

Halloween and Christian Families
Halloween II – Why Christians Should not Celebrate

As parents we can be different and should be different. We should strive to be the best parents that we can be and not settle for “at least as good as Fill in the Blank“. Doing thing like everyone else will result in raising kids just like everyone else.

What will you do to help your family stand out as unique? How will you rise above mediocrity as a family? Are you considering a change to your response to Halloween?

 

Why Cub Scouts?

Cub Scout RileyI was asked by a reader to write about Cub Scouts. As a fairly protective homeschooling family we take very serious our evaluation of extracurricular activies. Last year our oldest son Riley became a Cub Scout. Sherry and I had discussed putting our kids in Awana, Royal Rangers, or Cub Scouts but had not done all the leg work to investigate each organization. One day last fall we were on our way out of the local home improvement store and were met by a group of Cub Scouts selling popcorn by the exit. We purchased some popcorn and went on to the car. Then I asked my wife if she minded if I take a few minutes to ask about how to join and what ages the organization served. I took Riley (7 at the time) with me. The Cub Scout den leader that greeted us was very helpful and invited us to join a meeting at the local church to check it out. This allowed us to check out the meetings to see if the Cub Scouts would be a good fit for our family before purchasing a uniform and paying the registration fees. This process was a great help in making our final determination on whether to allow Riley to join or not.

What are Cub Scouts

Cub Scouts are the division of the Boy Scouts of America that supports 1st-5th grade boys. Cub Scouts work through fun and adventure to develop good habits in character development, faith in God, citizenship, sportsmanship and physical fitness, relationships, personal achievement, and community service.  All of these activities help prepare them for Boy Scouts.

Do Cub Scouts fit a Christian Homeschool Family?

Cub Scouts augment homeschooling for our family. We looked at Awana, Royal Rangers, and Royal ambassadors. However most of these programs are run as outreach rather than based on discipleship regardless of the way the material was intended to be used. We already have a solid Biblical teaching built into the homeschooling curriculum so Cub Scouts offered more of a balanced skill development model that helped develop life skills in areas that we may not normally give as much attention.

Why not team sports?

I will be brief on this one because this subject deserves way more attention in a future post. The short answer is that in my opinion and based on observations of other families team sports tend to consume way more time than Cub Scouts. Cub Scouts work well with our family to build family identity and encourage parental involvement. At the entry level of Cub Scouts which is called Tiger Cubs (1st graders) a parent or adult partner is required to attend all events with the scout.

Another advantage to Cub Scouts

Protecting the innocence of our children is a high priority. We tend to guard our children from inappropriate worldly influences as much as possible, especially with the younger children. We like to expose our children to the worldly influences on our terms and based on timing that more closely aligns with each child’s moral maturity and the context of their past exposure. Taking active roles in group activities were we can gauge influences and make determinations on when to have follow up conversations is important to us. We also never remove the option of taking our kids out of a program or activity if necessary. Even within Christian circles we do not assume that teachers and leaders have the same level of conviction for protecting the innocence of children.

In the end we decided to allow Riley to join Cub Scouts. This year we have alos allowed Caden to become a Cub Scout. This is Caden’s first opportunity to step out and join in activities witha group of his peers outside of our immediate family. This is a big step for Caden and our family given how guarded we have had to be with his immune system deficiencies earlier in life and his ongoing unique medical challenges.

We constantly evaluate whether the Cub Scout program is supporting and growing our family values or working in opposition. I encourage parents to evaluate all extracurricular activities against your family’s goals and values.

One last note about Cub Scouts in particular. Not all Cub Scout packs and dens are equal. Do not hesitate to move your child to another pack if the one you initially join is inactive, or disorganized. I would also not think twice about moving to another pack or den if the leaders and parents are allowing inappropriate behaviors.

Podcast Episode 11 – Why we are here, DigiNotar, Courageous Movie

Daddy Life Podcast Show Notes

Caden Update – Caden had surgery on Thursday, September 22, 2011.  Go to Caden’s Page for more details.

Legacy Home School Support Group live speaking event – Outstanding feedback several emails and one phone call.

DaddyLife.net Episode 1 audio clip – demonstrating improvements in quality and helping reiterate why this podcast exists.

PodcastAwards.com (Nominations end 9/30)

Podcast Name: Daddy Life
Podcast URL: http://daddylife.net 

Why are we here? The provide free content for parents to learn how to build solid relationships with the children. That will lead to children with teachable spirits who want to learn what their parents have to say about technology safety and so much more.

Tech Time

DigiNotar – Computerworld says “The Dutch company that was hacked earlier this summer by certificate thieves has gone bust and shut down, its U.S.-based owner said Tuesday.”

Parenting – Relationships and Character Training

  • The Father’s Mandate – In the next episode we will begin with part 1 of a 8 part series on I implement the Fathers Mandate from chapter 4 of the Growing Kids God’s Way parenting series by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo.
  • Pilot training example. Once my instructor slapped my hand and never apologized I was not interested in hearing what he had to say about anything.
  • Courageous Movie opens Friday September 30th.

FEEDBACK:

Please leave feedback in the comments below or contact us via:
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Technology Safety is more about Behavior than the Technology!

 

 

Podcast Episode 10 – Cell Phones, Character Training, Facebook

Daddy Life Podcast Show Notes

Cell Phone Security Tips
Caden’s Page – Surgery date of September 22. Details will be on Caden’s Page.

Review of Facebook policy on access to your kids accounts

Moral maturity is not about age

Relationship and character training

BetterDadPodcast – Hank will be a guest on an upcoming episode of the Becoming a Better Dad Podcast with Andy and Cory.

Please leave feedback in the comments below or contact us via:
Daddy Life on Twitter
Voice Mail: (864) 372-9833

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Technology Safety is more about Behavior than the Technology!

 


Podcast Episode 8 – Identity Protection and Why Cub Scouts

Daddy Life Podcast Show Notes

FREE PodCasting 101 Webinar with Cliff Ravenscraft from PodcastAnswerman.com – Saturday, September 3, 2011 beginning at Noon Eastern. It appears to be scheduled for approximately 90 minutes. REGISTER NOW

  • An overview of how podcasting works
  • Podcast equipment options
  • Podcast website & media hosting recommendations
  • How to properly set up a podcast rss feed
  • How to submit a podcast to podcast directories
  • A proven step by step podcast production workflow
  • An offer to purchase the video High Definition video recording of this session for $49 FREE. Cliff decided to give away the HD recording.
Caden’s Page – Scoliosis surgery was postponed due to illness. Caden was admitted for pneumonia. Visit Caden’s Page and sign up for updates. 

Identity ProtectionNorfolk Naval Base McDonald’s Cashier Admits to Stealing Credit Card Data

Cub Scouts – What are Cub Scouts and Why we participate. Link will be posted in a few days

Please leave feedback in the comments below or contact us via:
Daddy Life on Twitter
Voice Mail: (864) 372-9833

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Podcast Episode 7 – Mommy is a Wife, OpenDNS, Passwords


Mommy is also a Wife

– stay home moms especially need to be reminded and protected by dad (husband) in this area
– Dates
– Send mom out
– Do something special

The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman (affiliate link)

Security Tools

New security tools page with a link for OpenDNS.

Review 10 Simple Security tips for Mac – Creating separate logins on your computers for your kids. Also included are some tips on passwords and pass phrases that are easy to remember but difficult to guess.

Daddy Life on Twitter

Voice Mail: (864) 372-9833

DaddyLife.net Podcast

We Don’t Always Get What We Ask For


Parents of special needs children will tell you that they did not expect or specifically ask for the challenges that they face.  There are those rare gems who seek out special needs children to foster or adopt and I believe those parents will have a mansion or a castle in heaven as a reward. As a parent of a child who has severe medical issues I can tell you that the life we lead is very different that what we expected when my wife became pregnant with our second child in 2004. The difference has turned out to be such a blessing to us and so many others who have come into contact with our almost seven year old son Caden.

We visited a new church (Deer Park Baptist) this weekend. The message delivered by Dr. Stephen Carr was great. We learned how horrible of neighbors we are when the pastor looked at our visitors card and then proceeded to tell me that he lived two houses away from us on the same side of the street. [blushing] It turns out we had both been witnessing to the same family for some time now. I am sure we will spend some time getting to know each other moving forward.

Like with most sermons different people often learn different things from the same message regardless of what the pastor is teaching on. In this case I believe God spoke to me in a way the pastor may never have intended when planning this message. The message was framed by the interaction between Jesus and the Samaritan woman at the well in John chapter 4. I am pretty sure the pastor’s primary intent was to encourage believers to use average conversations to share the gospel so other people would get saved as a result. Just as Jesus did with the woman at the well by sharing the promise of eternal life. She in turn shared with others who also believed. I got a bonus message from a nugget he threw in there when describing the dynamics of the interaction between Jesus and the Samaritan woman. Here is how the passage goes in John 4:

7 When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?”8 (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)

9 The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.t)

10 Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.”

11 “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?12 Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

13 Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,14 but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

15 The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” (NIV)

As the pastor pointed out, the Samaritan woman did not know what she was asking for. She was obviously asking for drinking water even though Jesus had just explained that he was offering something very different. What she got from Jesus turned out to be best for her and it saved her and many in her community. What the woman intended to gain with her request appears to have been a purely selfish. That way she “won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water”.

This is like when parents pray for a healthy child (some for purely selfish reasons). they want the perfect child in every way. They want a healthy, smart, and beautiful child. And then they end up with what the world describes as a “sick” child. Our son Caden if often referred to as sick by the doctors due to the vast number of complicated medical issues Caden has and still does face. Caden has had way more major surgeries than birthdays, surgeries on his heart, neck, stomach, and spine. Caden is exclusively tube fed and has never taken single bite of food by mouth and he has never been able to drink from a cup to satisfy his thirst even though he so desires to do so to this day. Not exactly what can be described as healthy.

Just like the woman asked Jesus for water even though he had described something different, we asked God in our prayers early in the pregnancy for a healthy child and he knew exactly what was giving to us. Just like Jesus did give the Samaritan woman water based on his definition, Jesus gave us a healthy child based on his definition, not ours. The woman did have to go back to the well for water to sustain her physical body. We have had to go back to the hospital to sustain Caden’s health.

What we received from God was an encounter with Him that sparked a change in the community around us like we could have never imagined. Like with many special needs children, you only need to spend a few minutes one-on-one with Caden to fall in love with him. God is using him to create a new definition for the word healthy.

As parents of a special needs child we have received way more than we could have asked for or imagined. We have a child that God has used to bring our family closer together, bring us closer to our friends, and closer to God himself. I don’t know exactly how many or if any have been saved as a result, but I know there will be some. Glory to God!

I hope my kids can’t remember

…the first time I ever prayed with them.  I know that sounds weird, but stick with me on this one.  I was listening to a pastor on the radio a while back.  The pastor talked about how dads really should be setting the example for their kids.  Many parents tell their kids, “Give me a kiss and then go on up to bed…oh, and don’t forget to say your prayers.”  If the statistics being thrown around are close to being correct, then this sort of dialog is much more likely to be the norm in most Christian homes.

Some of you parents may have heard something like this before, but I am going to say it again.  Way more is caught than taught.  You can not sit in your recliner and give the old “do as I say and not as I do” speech and expect it to work.  That dog won’t hunt, especially with the older kids.  Get up and join your children in their bedtime prayers.  Teach them how to talk to God by your example.  Do you remember the last time you prayed with your children other than when giving thanks for food?

I hope that my kids are not able to remember the first time I prayed with them.  I want prayer to be so much of a routine part of our lives that they can not remember when it started because it was farther back than their memory can stretch.  I challenge all dads to get a similar mindset towards prayer and daily devotional with their kids.

HowTo Train Your Child to use the Internet Safely

9 year old driving 64 Ford FairlaneI began driving without direct adult supervision when I was age nine (9). I chauffeured my little sister (age 2) and my dog Duke all over our family’s 26 acre hog farm. I was not allowed to leave the farm and venture onto the country road that we lived on, but I could drive all over the farm as long as my parents were home and I asked permission before firing up the old baby-blue 1964 Ford Fairlane. As long as I drove safe and stayed within my boundaries, I was allowed to drive the Fairlane from time-to-time.

My guess is that most rural kids learned to drive in much the same way.  You probably started learning to operate the pedals, steering wheel, and shifter in a pasture, on a quiet country road, or in a giant abandoned parking lot.  Your parent or grandparent was right there at your side providing instructions, sometimes to the point of annoying you.  You trusted their advice because you had been witnessing their safe operation of this vehicle or others first-hand for nearly a decade or more.

After a while you arrived at the age of 15 and got your “Learners Permit” by taking a written examination.  You could only drive on the street during the day with a licensed adult driver in the front seat of the car with you. Then at age 16 you were eligible to take the practical driving test. This test consisted of driving around for about an hour with some stranger who made you perform like a circus animal. For the grand finale you demonstrated your parallel parking skills.

If all went well you were given a brand new a shiny red corvette convertible with no restrictions and a gas card with an unlimited balance.  Okay, maybe not.  Instead there were still restrictions and boundaries set on when you could take mom’s station wagon, where you were allowed to go, and when you had to be home. Violate any or all of the above and you might not have drove again for as long as you lived with your parents.

Safe Driving on the Internet

Training your child to use the Internet should be approached in much the same way that we were taught to drive a car:

  1. Demonstrate safe and responsible use of technology
  2. Start young and allow them to sit on your lap and operate the controls
  3. Start slow in a safe place when you do give them the controls
  4. Sit at their side and offer advice for a while
  5. Monitor their use of the technology
  6. Always maintain and communicate boundaries in your home
  7. Don’t be afraid to restrict access when the technology is misused

It is that simple. But don’t forget the Basics of Internet Safety involves much more than teaching the skills. A trusting relationship between you and your child will make it much easier for them to receive instruction and operate within your boundaries.   The basics will also set the stage for them to return to you when they are faced with something that they don’t understand or feel comfortable with while using technology.

Parents Responsible for Child Safety Online

Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, and other social media sites can be a dangerous environment for children. “In my opinion the parents hold ultimate responsibility for protecting their children from Internet threats.” That’s how I phrased it in a 2006 blog post in response to one of several law suites related to child safety online. A Texas judge’s ruling in one of these cases in 2007 agreed with my opinion.

U.S. District Judge Sam Sparks ruled Wednesday that MySpace, like other online forums, should not be held responsible for what happened. “If anyone had a duty to protect Julie Doe, it was her parents, not MySpace,” he wrote.

Read more: http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/02/15/BUGEKO4VU01.DTL#ixzz1P7xeMMsu

Many parents including the ones on the other end of this law suite don’t agree with the ruling.  Many parents would like to hand over responsibility to others in dealing with the hard issues they face. There are plenty of arguments about how kids sneak around and some say it can’t be prevented. That is a very weak excuse for parents to do nothing and the law is not on your side if you are one of these parents.

I have been focusing my attention on this issue of child safety online for more than five years. I am a computer security expert with 15 years of experience in dealing with Internet, computer, and network security.  I have seen or heard of just about everything. And there are answers to the problems.

There are some great tools and web sites out there to help parents protect their children, but there are just as many if not more sites that teach kids how to circumvent the parent’s best efforts. I will help you detect if your child is trying to get around your Internet monitoring and security solutions.  That will lead you to the more basic parenting issues of dealing with your child’s character and trust relationships.

The computers and cells phone are just tools. It is important to remember that kids are using these tools to create and grow relationships in the same way many of us did in malls, movie theaters, skating rinks, on the cruising strip, or even in churches. Regardless of where a child meets a stranger, that child needs to have the built in ability to make good decisions when making new friends. There are no classes in your local public school to teach kids character and how to build healthy relationships.  Academics are the focus and that leaves no time for character training. There are some great resources to help parents learn how to get to the heart of their child so that the child will respect the parents advice and teachings in these areas. You will find some of these great resources in the Parenting section of my Book Recommendations page on HOEI.com.

Stay tuned to this blog for my upcoming articles aimed at Internet Safety. I will be educating you parents on the ways your tech savvy teens may be bypassing your best attempts to secure your computers and Internet connection. Then I will help you determine what to do next and how to do it.