Raising Teen Girls – Interview

This podcast episode contains an interview with a man’s man who is raising a house full of girls. Stacy Ratliff is an independent video consultant, producer, and editor with over 25 years of experience. He has produced a ton of content in the hunting/fishing/shooting categories over the past two decades. Stacy wrote and produced the ESPN Ultimate NASCAR 100 Defining Moments, The Bassmaster Yearbook, Driven to Hunt and much more that has aired on ESPN, the Outdoor Channel, and the Sportsman Channel. He has done camera work on the National Finals Rodeo, music videos, commercials, and industrial films. You can see some of Stacy’s video work on his Vimeo page.

Stacy is they guy who took Dale Earnhardt Jr on his first hunt. Stacy worked with the three time NASCAR champion Tony Stewart on a show title Driven to Hunt. in that episode they were working with some kids through the Make A Wish Foundation. Stacy has also worked with NASCAR legend Dale Earnhardt as well as Bobby Labonte, Terry Labonte, Kevin Harvik, Martin Truex and many more.

Stacy has been married to Anne for 21 years. They have three teen girls ages 14, 16, and 18. They are key couple leaders in the Growing Families International parenting ministry.

Stacy has recently moved into the role of being an independent video consultant, producer, and editor. I am sure he would greatly appreciate any work you can send in his direction. You can connect with Stacy on LinkedIn.

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Fathering a Broken Heart

Caden in PCICU in 2008I have a very clear memory of the events of July 29, 2004. We arrived at the medical university OB/GYN clinic and were taken into an ultrasound room. The technician was very nice and seemed genuine in her concern for Sherry’s comfort. Things seemed to be going well. The technician gave us an unofficial comment that told us the cyst was not a serious concern. The moments to follow began to change the mood of the room. The technician stated that she needed to verify something and left the room. She returned with another technician to verify what she saw on the ultrasound monitor. A few minutes later one technician left to get a doctor. This doctor brought in another doctor and a genetic counselor. Sherry and I noticed the tears starting to build in the original technician’s eyes. The doctor then broke the news. The technician had detected a fairly significant hole between the ventricles of our baby’s heart. This heart defect is referred to as a VSD (Ventricular Septal Defect).

This was all quite overwhelming to Sherry and me.  At the time we had no idea that the VSD would be the least of our concerns.  She was crying, the technician was crying, and I didn’t know what to do as tears flooded my face. The doctor said he was referring us to the Pediatric Cardiology Department in the main hospital for an echocardiogram to verify the findings.  We waited while calls were made to get us in to Cardiology immediately.

This was the beginning of the end of the name game. Sherry and I decided that there were going to be enough surprises in the remainder of this pregnancy so we asked the technician to tell us the gender of our child. “It’s a boy!” We were excited! Now my list of names to choose from was cut in half. Even better, we could now refer to the baby as “he” instead of “the baby”.

The Pediatric Cardiology Department was able to see us that same day as requested by Sherry’s be OB/GYN. We made our way to Peds Cardiology in the rain. This was my first time stepping foot in the Medical University of South Carolina hospital.  Entering the hospital was intimidating enough without the stress of the underlying purpose of our visit. The place was huge. It was bigger than any civilian hospital I had ever been in. Unlike us, most people were moving about as if they knew exactly where they were going. We finally found our way to the Pediatric Cardiology Department on the sixth floor of the Children’s Hospital in the maze of interconnected buildings.

We were met by a very friendly and compassionate staff. I didn’t know it then, but this was a scene that they had experienced before. We went into a room with a machine very much like the room we had been in at the OB/GYN clinic where the last ultrasound was done just hours before. The technician came in and spent what seemed like an hour taking pictures of our baby’s heart. The process was almost identical to an ultrasound from our perspective with the exception of the monitor showing only our son’s heart. Very few words were spoken. The technician finally got up and told us that the doctor would review the images and then come talk to us shortly. The doctor came in sooner than we expected. He was a very nice man who seemed as compassionate and sincere as everyone else we had talked to that day. He explained to us the details of our son’s heart defects. Yes, there appeared to be several of them. The most serious defect was referred to as an Interrupted Aortic Arch (IAA). The doctor said that the aorta, which carries oxygenated blood away from the heart, did not appear to be connected properly. Part of the aorta was believed to be narrowed or may even be missing. They were unable to tell the exact diagnosis with the angle of the two-dimensional picture from the echocardiogram. The doctor also reported that the PDA (Patent Ductus Arteriosus) was enlarged. The PDA is a natural bypass that allows the blood between the oxygenated and the less-oxygenated sides of the heart to mix while a baby is in the womb. Babies get their oxygenated blood from the mother until after birth, and the PDA helps mom’s blood mix with the baby’s blood.

The doctor proceeded to tell us that if our son’s PDA closed after birth it could be fatal due to the suspected narrowing or restriction of the aorta. He told us that our son would require open-heart surgery shortly after birth. We asked for a better definition of “shortly”. He told us that our son would most likely require surgery within a week after he was born. These drawings were given to us to illustrate what they had found during the fetal echocardiogram. We would later learn how eerily accurate these drawings were even though there representing a child’s heart that was only about 22 weeks in womb.

Normal Heart  Broken Heart - IAA Type B, VSD, ASD

The doctor went on to tell us that these heart defects would require medication called prostaglandins to be administered immediately after birth to help prevent the PDA from closing before the surgery could be performed. He told us that this drug could only be delivered through a central line. A central line is an IV-type line that runs through the baby’s belly- button or a central artery, and is threaded in as near as possible to the heart. This would allow the drug to be delivered to an area of the circulation system that would allow for the fastest distribution of the drug. He told us that these lines are normally inserted immediately after birth before the blood starts to clot in the veins that are fed by the umbilical cord.

The doctor took as much time as we needed to understand what he was explaining to us. He had drawings of a normal heart. He had another drawing of what he derived from the echocardiogram to illustrate what he believed our son’s heart looked like. He did give us a tiny bit of hope by telling us that we needed to follow the progress of these defects with more echocardiograms. There was a chance that things could get worse, but there was a chance that things could get better. By no means did the doctor give us a gleaming ray of hope that the defects would completely disappear.

Sherry and I were pretty overwhelmed at this point. The whole thing had really not sunk in for me just yet. The staff realized that we were near a state of shock. They told us to sit in the examination room as long as we needed before leaving. They offered their contact information for us to use to call with any questions that we had after we got home. They scheduled follow-up appointments for Sherry to have the echocardiograms throughout the remainder of the pregnancy to see if the defect had progressed in either direction. We finished our talk with the doctor and prepared to leave.

A nice lady from their office escorted us to the elevator. What happened next still gives me chills to this day. I started to have trouble breathing. My knees felt as if they were about to come out from under me. I grabbed the wall and asked if there was somewhere I could sit down. The lady walking with us immediately helped me into the nearest room. I sat down and began to sob uncontrollably. Sherry comforted me as she cried. I cried and gasped for air for a while. It seemed that nothing could stop it. The reality of the day’s events had finally caught up with me. I had no idea how to deal with what was happening to my young family. How could this happen? Our first child had nearly perfect health compared to this. Why was this happening to us? What had we done to deserve this? I had more emotions and questions in that moment than I can remember  ever having in my life. I finally was able to gather myself enough to depart the sixth floor of the Medical University of South Carolina Children’s Hospital.

Caden is now seven years old and has endured many major surgeries including multiple heart surgeries, back surgeries, stomach surgeries, neck surgery and much more. He is still exclusively tube fed and has been given no hope of ever being able to nourish himself by mouth. He is expected to live a long life with proper medical treatment including regular cardiology check ups.

You can read Caden’s Page for the ongoing story of his life.

 

Pinewood Derby Winners

Pinewood Derby WinnnersEvery one of the Osborne boys old enough to participate brought home a trophy this year. Two of my boys are in Cub Scout 458 that meets at Crowfield Baptist Church in Goose Creek, SC. Each year, like many Cub Scout packs, they have a Pinewood Derby race. This year we entered three of our boys Riley, Caden, and Josiah (JJ). Josiah entered in the sibling category since he is not old enough to be a Cub Scout yet.

They did a time trial and then the races were set up so that the cars of similar speed would compete against each other. I knew when I saw all three of my boys in the same race that they were all very closely matched. However when they raced I noticed that the cars finished 1, 2, 3 (youngest to oldest). There were only two other cars in the race with them since they were racing five lanes at a time. Each car got a chance to run each lane so out of fifty cars entered that created a need for 250 races. so that every care got a chance to run on every lane. Caden with his 3rd place overall trophyThen the prizes were awarded based on the best times for each car regardless of the lane they got that time from..sort of. Since all of my boys ran in the same race (obviously a fast heat), I got to see that JJ’s car finished ahead of his brothers in all five races. So it is impossible that Caden’s car recorded a time faster than JJ. However when the trophies were awarded Caden was given a overall trophy and JJ only won 1st place in his category (siblings). Riley was awarded 1st place in in the Bear Den category. I think the leaders decided to only award overall trophies to scouts since they are the official members of the pack.

Either way, my boys did not care. I was just glad that to see that they were happy for each others’ accomplishments.

Riley actually scored a sponsorship from DaddyLife.net.  I taught him, as best I could, how to negotiate for sponsor money on his car. I offered him $20 to be on the Daddy Life on a derby carhood but he insisted on putting a McDonald’s logo replica on the hood even though McDonald’s was not paying him to advertise for them. I paid Riley $10 to be on the hood. His grandpa also negotiated a spot on the back fo the car for his bible study for grieving family members called “Jesus Cares”.

Below are some more pictures of the boys’ cars and trophies. This was a fun adventure but a lot of work for Daddy. 😉 Hopefully Riley will be able to build his own car without assistance next year since we may be entering four cars if Levi is ready to be added into the mix.

Riley, car, and trophies.JJ and his trophy loot

HOEI-Daddy Life Racing Team Cars

In the paint booth the week before the raceI hope you enjoyed the pictures as much as we enjoyed racing today.

 

 

 

Special Needs Education at Home

When your family rom turns into a hospital roomMy beautiful wife has shared some awesome tips for parents with a special needs child that is also homeschooled. Check out the latest podcast on the Home School Support Network to learn how we deal with tough times with a special needs child in our home.

Temperaments and Parenting

In this episode I have a very special guest. My wife Sherry and I introduce you to the four temperaments. Sherry and I also co-host the Home School Support Network (HSSN) podcast and blog. We have produced a HSSN episode on temperaments as well.

Why temperaments? 

Our understanding of temperaments has been most helpful in understanding what makes our family members tick. This is helpful in a marriage relationship, with understanding why grandma and grandpa do things a certain way, and most importantly what makes our children “tick”… so to speak. We have taught parents on the subject of temperaments for over five years. We have learned over the years from books, observations of parents we have mentored, and from various speakers throughout the country.

Your temperament is God given and does not change. Each temperament has strengths, weaknesses, and one specific area of weakness that is more dominant than other weaknesses. There are four types with many “blends”- most people have a primary and secondary and keep in mind you may have the strengths of one and the weakness of another.

What are the four temperaments we will cover in this podcast episode? 

Choleric (lion): task oriented-extrovert
Sanguine (otter): 
people oriented-extrovert
Melancholy (beaver): 
task oriented-introvert
Phlegmatic (golden retriever): 
people oriented- introvert

Resources mentioned in this episode:

 

Spirit-Controlled Temperament by Tim LaHaye

Personality Plus: How to Understand Others by Understanding Yourself by Florence Littauer

The Treasure Tree: Helping Kids Understand Their Personality by Dr. John Trent and Gary Smalley

Wired That Way: An Easy-to-Use Questionnaire for Helping People Discover Their God-Given Personality Type

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Episode 20 – Holiday Traditions

Gingerbread Train 2011

Gingerbread Train

I talked about Family Identity in Episode 12. It is important for dads to cultivate a sense of family identity. Getting your family together for a project like an annual gingerbread train or house is a great way to build family identity. Enter your creation into a competition. Have some fun with the project by creating some custom cars. Read more about the annual Osborne Family Gingerbread Train on Grill’n Time.

The Father’s Mandate – Where to learn more?

Best – Take a Growing Kids God’s Way class in a small group setting
Better – Go through the videos as a couple at home (GFI.org sale)
Good – Read On Becoming Childwise: Parenting Your Child from 3-7 Years

Find a Growing Kids God’s Way Class in your local area by visiting the GrowingKids.org web site. Use the “General Ministry or Curriculum” contact email address to ask about classes in your area.

Listen to the eight part series on The Father’s Mandate

1.  A father must cultivate a sense of family identity.
2.  A father must regularly demonstrate love to his wife.
3.  A father must understand and respect his child’s private world.
4.  A father must give his children the freedom to fail.
5.  A father must be the encourager of the family.
6.  A father must guard his tongue and his tone and learn to measure his response against the excitement on their faces.
7.  A father must routinely embrace his children.
8.  A father must build the trusting relationship on God’s Word, not on human wisdom.

Update on Caden – He broke his arm and the next week was hospitalized with pneumonia.

Tech Time:

Leo Laporte and Steve Gibson – Security Now Podcast

Which apps are safer? Apps from the Android market or the Apple App store?

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Why do we do Santa?

Tonight we visited a local Christian radio station (WKCL) with the Caden’s Tiger Den from the Cub Scout pack. It was a Go-See-It event that helps the Tigers earn the next rank in scouts. While there we learned all about mass communications. But it was a minor conversation that created the most excitement for our family. One of the scout leaders asked if the kids were ready for Santa. And then it happened. Our little four-year-old Josiah stepped up to educate the leader on the truth about Santa in the midst of a room full of 1st graders and their siblings. Sherry was able to stop him before he spilled the beans and sent a room full of kids out of the building crying. I was left once again asking myself why we parents feel so compelled to do Santa?

Maybe because we are immersed in Santa Claus. We are surrounded by Santa no matter where we go these days. Santa is in parades, sitting in the malls, standing on the street corner, popping in at various Christmas parties, inflated standing fifteen feet tall on the neighbor’s lawn, and zooming across the weatherman’s radar screen delivering gifts on Christmas Eve.

Parents go to great lengths to explain this mysterious man to their children. Children are told to be good so that Santa will bring them lots of stuff in return for their good behavior. They are told how Santa will come down the chimney and leave presents under the Christmas tree after the children are asleep on Christmas Eve. Then the children start to grow and learn how difficult it would be for one fat man in a red suite to visit billions of homes in one night. The parents then more often than not become more creative in their explanation of how Santa gets things done. Some children like those who live in mobile homes start to wonder how Santa will get into their house since their home has no chimney. This was a big issue in my home as a child. The parents then may hang an old skeleton key outside and tell the children that this is for Santa.

All of these things are done in fun and with the best of intentions. Parents and children alike enjoy these times. Then one day a child comes home with that question, “Is Santa Claus real? Susie told me that Santa’s not real.” Some parents come clean at that point while others find a way to extend the fun for just one or two more years by further exaggerating the story.

What’s wrong with having a little fun with your children at Christmas time by pretending there is a Santa? It’s just innocent fun, right? My wife and I felt that it was okay for the first two years that we celebrated Christmas as parents. Then my wife came home one night about a month before Christmas from her book club meeting and said, “I am not sure how you feel about this, but I would like for us to reconsider how we celebrate Christmas.” Man what a relief it was for me. I was playing the Santa game to keep my wife happy. So the conversation was not as long and complicated as Sherry thought it might become.

That year we asked our family members not to make such a big deal over Santa. And we have not turned back. We are still often faced with the situations like the one we faced tonight, but we have not regretted the decision one bit.

There’s no way to avoid these types of situations like tonight, but what you have planted in your child’s heart will eventually shine through. My oldest son at a tender age of three was responding frequently with, “we celebrate Jesus’ birthday for Christmas at our house.” You would be absolutely amazed at the smiles that response brings to so many adults. You see, we are not teaching our children that Santa is bad or wrong, but rather we are teaching our children that Christmas is a day when we celebrate the birth of Jesus. Okay I know Jesus may have not been born in December, but Christmas in the Spring would jam it up against Easter. We give gifts to others to show our love for them. I personally try to make sure that the spirit of giving is similar to the spirit of giving God showed when sending Jesus. That gift of Jesus was not based on how good or bad we were, but was giving as an unconditional love gift from our heavenly father.

Oddly enough I have found some of the most frank responses to how so many people(Christians included) do Santa on the Atheism section of About.com. The article is titled Santa Claus: Should Parents Perpetuate the Santa Claus Myth? and it is packed full of great explanations on why, in my opinion, the “little white lie” is not a healthy practice. By the way, it should be obvious from my previous paragraph that I do not endorse the anti-Christian atheist aspects of the About.com page linked above.

Update: A very wise mommy (Erika Shupe) has shared her advice on What to do with Santa over at Large Families on Purpose.

Do you do Santa? What are the reasons behind your decision?

Reason for the Season

Sherry and I recorded a new episode of the HSSN Podcast this week. Sherry shared some great resources to help teach your kids the true meaning of Christmas. These resources are valuable regardless of whether you are a parent of a kid in public, private or home school. Check out the post and podcast over at the Home School Support Network.

God’s Wisdom Above Man’s Wisdom

Fathers Mandate number 8.  A father must build the trusting relationships on God’s Word, not on human wisdom.

The Fathers Mandate Part 8 of 8
http://www.growingkids.org/leaders/gkgw-chapter-summaries/
Reference: Chapter 4 of Growing Kids God’s Way by Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo

Mr. Ezzo says that if you don’t get this then everything else in the other mandates does not matter.

From Psalm 118:8 (TLB) “It is better to trust in the LORD than to put confidence in man.”

Who is God and what does He mean to you and your family?

Please remember that much more is caught than taught.

“Adapted from a recent online discussion.
New dad wonders how to juggle parenting with football season
Football season!: How much is my child going to hate me as he grows up with me watching three football games in a row on Sundays, and another on Monday nights? (I do chores during breaks, I swear, but I’ve never had a baby or child to care for during football season before.)” Source Tampabay.com

This issue of building relationships with your children based on God’s word is not about choosing church over sports on Sunday.  It is about having the ways of God “on your hearts. Impressing them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the street, when you lie down and when you get up.” from Deuteronomy 6: 6-9 New International Version (NIV)

Read God’s word in the Bible for yourself. That is how you will be able to determine what God’s wisdom is verses what other people around you say.

Reading Plans


By the numbers

The Bible has 66 Books made up of 1189 Chapters. To read the Bible in a year you will read on average:
99 Chapters in a month
5.5 Books per month
3.26 Chapters per dayYou can read the entire Bible from cover to cover in less than 100 hours.

Here are some audio Bibles: (aff)

The Word of Promise: Complete Audio BibleThe Complete Audio Holy Bible: King James Version

Why read? To get a better understanding of who God is and what He means to you and your family.

Proverbs 14:12 New King James Version (NKJV)

12 There is a way that seems right to a man,
But its end is the way of death.

How to become a Christian:

1 John 1:9

New King James Version (NKJV)
9 If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Ephesians 2:8-9

New Living Translation (NLT)
8 God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. 9 Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.

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Parenting Matters in Education

An article in the NY Times this weekend emphasized the need for parentally involvement. While the studies that the article referenced focused on academics the last few words of the article I can agree with:

“…let’s stop putting the whole burden on teachers. We also need better parents. Better parents can make every teacher more effective.” Source

What I could not find in these study results was how effective parental involvement in teaching character development might help school performance. Teaching children manners, self-control, and respect for authority can go a long way in equipping a teacher for success.

I have known for a long time that parent involvement was the best solution to improving the public school system in this country. My wife taught 3rd grade in the public school system for a few years after graduating from college. My wife learned quickly that kids were not coming to school adequately prepared. By prepared I mean the basics. Kids had not been taught to sit quietly and respect authority. The kids had little self control and some would demand attention constantly as if they were the only child in the room that mattered.

What was the root of this? Many kids have missed out on some very basic parental involvement. In many families the definition of parental involvement has digressed to a point where it is measured by frequency of attendance at plays, music recitals, soccer games, cub scout meetings or baseball games. Many parents consider themselves involved if they check their kids’ homework, volunteer in the child’s class, and attend PTA meetings. A study referenced by the NY Times article was performed by The Center For Public Education. The limited results that they reported confirm what parents consider to be healthy participation by their own actions:

“National survey data from the National Center for Education Statistics shows that attending school meetings or events is the leading form of parent participation in schools, followed by school fundraising activities.” Source

And then some kids don’t even get this much involvement from their parents. Some are bounced from grandparents to friends homes for one reason or another. However the data by the Center for Public Education showed little difference in parental involvement across racial and economic lines.

“…while 82 percent of parents of white students said an adult checked their child’s homework, the rates were higher among parents of African American and Hispanic students, which reported rates of 94% and 91%, respectively. Other studies have shown that lower-income and minority parents often have the same level of involvement in education as others — even though it may not necessarily be reflected at PTA meetings or school fundraisers.”

All that said I would argue that these studies miss the mark from the start. The type of parental involvement needed most is the kind that teaches character and strong values. However this type of parental involvement is mostly outsourced to peers via day cares beginning as early as six weeks old in many families and then other families do so with pre-school programs by age three years. The list of reasons why parents are forced down these paths or choose these methods is longer than we could possibly address on this blog. Are you one of these parents? How do you compensate?