The Root is at Home

November 22, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Mom instructing her childrenI am convinced that the root solution to many of the problems we face in our nation, in our communities, and in our churches is found at home. God has put on my heart a renewed passion for encouraging families and particularly dads. I have taken a break from this site, the podcast, and other places where I blog for several months. I have had time to reflect and seek God’s guidance regarding my efforts online and offline. I am certain that I need to get back to this site and the podcast to continue to encourage, equip, and challenge dads to rise above mediocrity in marriage and parenting. It is critically important that men understand their God-given responsibility as parents to stand up and take care of their families in a way that glorifies God.

Our country continues to suffer from the lack of engagement of fathers in the lives of their children. This will only become more prominent as we Christians gain ground on the abortion front. As clinics close and more women embrace choices to raise the children that they have conceived, we have a higher possibility for more single parent homes and fatherless children.  I want to help answer the need to encourage and equip men to face their responsibilities and be there for the mothers of their children as well as the children themselves.

Another area where dads can step up is to position their family to be a single income family so that moms can stay home with the children. God has not called parents to subcontractor the training of their children. God desires for parents to instruct their own children. He specifically instructs parents to train their children in both the Old and New Testaments of the Bible. If it is the Lord’s will that our children be trained by us as the parents, and it is His will as clearly described in the Bible, then He will provide a way. That does not mean we sit back and wait on an audible message or letter to come from God before we begin preparing ourselves for this counter-cultural way of raising the children that we have been blessed with. This site in partnership with the Home School Support Network will provide opportunities for families to better navigate the challenges we face in raising our kids to know, love, and trust the Lord.

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Bigger is Better

January 5, 2013 By Leave a Comment

4 Boys Plus OneThe Osborne family is growing. We expect the newest of the @OzzKids to join the fun in late July of 2013. The picture on the right was taken on Christmas Eve right after we announced to our family that we were expecting #5. We wrapped a small box with the onesie inside and then wrapped that box inside another and so on until we had it six or seven boxes deep. We passed the box in a circle while playing Jingle Bells (Levi’s fav) and the person holding the box when the music stopped had to open a layer. The news seemed most surprising for Caden and Josiah. You can see in the picture that Josiah was still in shock a few minutes later when we staged this picture. Caden is shown below with his initial reaction.

I think our extended family has finally come to a point where they are no longer surprised. Most thought we were crazy for having another child after Caden given the medical challenges we still battle with him. Caden was born with a deletion of his 22nd chromosome called 22q11.2 (DiGeorge Syndrome or VCFS). This has come with a host of open heart surgeries, back surgeries, exclusive tube feeding, and much, much more. While Sherry certainly does carry a heavier load with cooking, cleaning, laundry, and home schooling, the logistics of dealing with Caden’s frequent hospitalizations has really not changes much with the addition of Josiah and Levi. From the time Caden was born we had one child in the ICU and one at home that required our love and attention. Most Caden Reacts to hearing he will be a big brother againrecently we have just had multiple children at home when Caden has been hospitalized. I don’t expect the future to be much different with the new addition to our family when Caden has surgeries because we will still have children in two different places that need their parents. That has become a normal for our family that we have learned to live with and deal with fairly well.

So the long and the short is that we are very excited to be growing our family. We think that Bigger is Better and thank the Lord for blessing us with another child. We love all of the children God has blessed us with and can’t wait to meet the newest addition to the Osborne gang. As I said earlier, the emotions have been mixed within the family. As shown here, Caden was a little surprised, but pleasantly surprised. I have decided to start telling people that we are trying for 14 kids and that is what the number on my hat represents. It is actually the number of my favorite NASCAR driver Tony Stewart, but I thought that referring to the number as the target for number of children was a great way to stifle the comments about our big family. The idea was not my own, my neighbor came up with the idea during a New Year’s Eve Bingo party that Riley and I attended.

We hope you had a Merry Christmas and a trust that your New Year has begun with great joy and thanksgiving.

 

 

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Gun Control – NOW is not the time

December 17, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Daddy and Caden - Sep 2012The 8 year old boy pictured here with me has probably come closer to death more times than most people reading this post combined. He has had nearly twice as many major surgeries than he has had birthdays beginning with his first, basically an exploratory open-heart surgery at 6 days old, and has averaged 30 nights per year hospitalized since then, mostly due to life-threatening illnesses. During those 8 years I have sat many of day in ICU waiting rooms beside parents who lost children, mostly to what appeared to be much less serious illnesses than what Caden battled while we got to take Caden home. Would I like to do something? Yes! Could I really do anything in the heat of the moment to help the next parent take their child home alive? NO, but now learned over time that I do try to help them prepare for the seriousness of the situation! More on that in a minute. But in the moment there is little than can be said or done to comfort these parents. They are experiencing a grief like most of us have never had to face and prayerfully will not have to face. So what can be done RIGHT NOW?

What we need to do right now is to quietly love on these people who have lost loved ones… especially those parents who have lost a young child.

How you might ask? In my opinion we should start by doing what Job’s friends did at first. They got things right with their initial response to Job’s grief in my opinion. They sat with him without saying a word for seven days and seven nights. There is nothing we can do or say for those hurting right now. Reference: Job 2:13

Am I saying that I am opposed to talking about new gun laws? NO!!! What I am opposed to is talking seriously about new gun laws in the heat of the moment…just as much as I am opposed to talking new laws governing surgeries or ICU procedures before the parents sitting next to me at a children’s hospital have even had a chance to bury their child. I believe we should step back and take a deep breath and realize that this time should not be about trying to fix anything, but simply being there for those who hurt so bad…while we still get to tuck in our kids or other loved ones safely tonight. Getting you and your family right with God, understanding and accepting Jesus’ gift of eternal life through salvation, is the most  important thing you can do, especially given the increased frequency of events like this one at the Sandy Hook school in CT. There is NOTHING MORE IMPORTANT RIGHT NOW for our family than understanding, accepting, and sharing the message of God’s gift of salvation.

For several years now I have been able to hand off my son to a surgeon or ICU nurse without an overwhelming fear of losing him because of the peace I have. My wife and I get asked often when our son Caden is facing a very serious condition or surgery, “How do you do it?” (remain so calm and peaceful) It is not easy or simple and I am completely convenced that our ability to handle life threaten situations with our son is not within our own power. As said so plainly by Dr. Charleston Stanley, “Obey God and leave all the consequences to Him.”

If you want to have that peace then I am happy to share how I got it. The peace did not come immediately or easily. But it came painfully over a period of years by watching others lose kids and by facing very tough odds of survival with my own child. All this while becoming increasingly convinced that we are not in control of everything no matter how much we would like to be. So we and our children should be focused on what does matter most and what we can control. Those two things are one in the same. We can control whether or not we accept God’s gift of salvation. Podcast episode 19 outlines a pretty good understanding of God’s gift of salvation which is the first step I took towards a peace when facing death. Ephesians 2:8-9 There is more to it, but that is the most significant step you have to take first. I’ll share more on my journey to peace at a later time.

Please pray for peace and comfort for the families as they grieve. Don’t try to do something, because there really is not much a stranger can do at this time other than to lift these hurting people up to the Lord in prayer. None of us will be able to understand why all these terrible things happen in this life. I am certain that God will use these things for the good of those who put their trust in Him. Reference: Romans 8:28 In the meantime, realize how precious of a gift you have to spend another moment with your loved ones and make the most of it.

The Father’s Mandate is a great place to start with the most important mandate being the last one. I share my implementation of the Father’s Mandate in Episodes 12-19 of the Daddy Life Podcast. All episodes can be found on iTunes. Love your children now. Share God’s word with them and teach them the importance of knowing and accepting God’s greatest gift, eternal life through salvation.

May God Bless You and Yours!!!

Photo by: Refuge Studios
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Does your husband have a free night?

October 11, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Post by Bethany from The Graceful Mom blog

Date NightSomething my husband and I have done for a few years is give each other a “free night” every week. It is a night where the other spouse gets to have a night off and use the time however he or she chooses away from home. I say “away from home” because it does not seem to work well, at least for us, to block off time at home. It just works better to get out of the house, and that is part of the gift. Some weeks we both use our “free night” and some weeks my husband uses two while I use none. It all works out in the end but it has been a very fun way to bless the other person.

Even thought it might not seem like it at first, we believe it really ties in to the Ezzo/Babywise philosophy of have a parent-directed philosophy. Our children see us prioritizing the other parent’s need for some downtime, and it also gives the parent at home a fun tonight to do something a little special with our children. For instance, my husband almost always uses his night to play ultimate frisbee. Thursday nights have now become popcorn and movie night for me with the kids. They love it, I get some extra cuddle, and my husband comes home so energized. Honestly, one of the things I like the most is seeing how happy and refreshed my husband is after coming back home. I used to get so anxious about single-parenting nights…now I really, truly look forward to them. Either my husband is out exercising his heart out or I usually try to meet up with some girlfriends for dessert.

I truly believe that offering each other some downtime has been a key part of how successful our marriage has been. We do also make spending quality time together a high priority, but I have learned the value of giving my husband that special time to himself. Ironically, it makes our marriage better too. We plan these nights in advance, and it has actually been a lot of fun seeing what the other person decides to do.

I know it is hard finding one more night to set aside but I promise it is well worth it. So if you have noticed your husband or wife looking a little peaked and worn out…offer them a free night…their choice…their blessing!

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Lying to our Kids

August 20, 2012 By Leave a Comment

someecards.com - My parents accused me of lying today. Then I said,
When it is okay to lie to our kids? The answer to this question is often rooted in the definition of what a lie is. You may see little white lies as innocent. Things like Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny, and Santa are said to be imaginary fun. I might be able to buy that if the child used their own imagination to dream up these characters, but that’s not how it gets started is it? And then as parents we have to get creative to keep the fair tale going and keep the kids engaged in the “fun”.

I wrote a guest post titled 50 Shades of Lying on The Graceful Mom blog a few weeks ago. I shared some tips to help us model honesty so that we don’t get tagged as a hypocrite with or kids. This post was written as part of an ongoing guest blogging effort between a few Babywise-Friendly Network blogs. I wanted to challenge parents to think about the example they are setting for their kids. What happens when you catch your child in a lie and then they pull the hypocrite card? Is  it do as a I say and not as I do in your family? Do you try to justify your lying while punishing their lies, or do you come clean and ask your kids to forgive you for lying to them?

How good of an example do you set in the areas of honesty and truthfulness?

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What Moms Want Dads to Know

August 9, 2012 By Leave a Comment
Mom and Dad

Photo source: churchleadergazette.com

By Maureen Monfore, http://www.ChildwiseChat.com

A couple weeks ago, Hank blessed us with a blog post about what dads want moms to know. I figured I would offer dads the same courtesy, unlocking the mystery behind every mom’s (or wife’s) approach to marriage and parenting.

Sometimes we just want to complain

It’s common knowledge that women like to vent and men like to fix. If we vent to you about our day, don’t offer solutions. Just listen. Even throw in a few lines like “I can’t believe he did that,” or “That’s crazy; how in the world did you cope?” Show some sympathy and commiserate with us. For a few pointers on how to listen well, eavesdrop on our conversations with other women. It might sound like a foreign language to you, but jot a few lines down and you’ll be fine.

Don’t take our lack of affection personally

Yes, this is something many moms need to work on. But dads need to know that our occasional lack of desire for physical touch has nothing to do with you. Those of us at home all day with our kids get enough physical touch by the time you get home. Our kids climb on us, sit on our laps while reading, play with our hair, follow us to the bathroom, and even ask us to open the peanut butter jar while we’re in the shower. (I speak from experience.)

What can you do? Give us a few minutes to ourselves. Force us to take some time away; we might not always think we need it. But some well-deserved alone time will help us recharge our batteries. Call it room time for moms!

We need reminders if life gets a little too child-centered

Dads have a very different perspective on the world than we do. You get out in the world and have real adult conversations with real adults. When we’re at home with a two-year-old who’s in the throes of potty training or a four-year-old who complains about his boo-boos, we forget what that’s like.

We are all too aware of the dangers of child-centered parenting (thanks to the Ezzos), but knowing and doing are two different things. And rather than flat-out telling us, schedule some adult time for us. Hire a sitter. Call up some friends. Make dinner reservations. Get us out of the house!

We might get a little bossy sometimes

Face it, we moms boss our kids around. It’s as it should be. Our lives would be complete chaos if we didn’t. But sometimes, after doing it for 10-12 hours on end, we get in the habit of being bossy. If we’re working on first-time obedience training, we might even wait for a “yes, mommy” and eye contact when we call your name. (Not really, well, maybe.) A simple “snap out of it” should suffice if you recognize our bossy tone. Or turn on the humor, and reply with “yes, mommy.”

Encourage us to get some sleep

The parenting experts tell us to sleep when our baby sleeps. But how in the world would we get anything done?! Whether we’re up all night with a newborn or physically exhausted from a day chasing after toddlers, we need our sleep. And for many of us, a lack of sleep affects our mood and our patience.

So if you see that we’re up past midnight, tell us to go to bed. Or if you see that we’re physically exhausted, tell us to go rest in bed for an hour. If that doesn’t work (because not many of us want to waste 2 hours napping while there’s so much to do), tell us to have some room time.

By the same token, make sure you’re getting enough sleep. Nobody wants to deal with a tired, grumpy you.

Give some thought to your body and your health

If we’re going to stop being bossy, you can’t rely on us to tell you to eat your vegetables or to cut back on the cookies. This came up on a Babywise moms message board recently. We want you to care about your health. If you think something is wrong, go to the doctor. If the doctor tells you to cut back on your salt intake, drink more water, or to exercise more, listen to him (or her)! No mom wants to be a young widow. We are nothing without our health. Take it seriously.

On a related note, think about how you present yourselves to us. Yes, you are allowed to relax when you get home. But that image of you lounging on the couch in your sweats with a package of Oreos does nothing to improve our desire for physical touch. If you notice that we brushed our hair and put on a little lip gloss before you got home, think twice before putting on your pajamas at 6pm.

Limit your screen time

Yes, this is something we say to our kids. There’s a reason we don’t let them watch TV or play video games for hours on end. But we adults need to follow the same advice. Smartphones, TVs and computers have taken over our lives. If you wonder why you don’t feel connected to your family, think about turning off the TV or putting the phone away. Even if you do nothing beyond that, a little eye contact does wonders for the relationship.

And if your relationship with your kids is centered on screen time (whether you’re playing a video game together or they’re looking over your shoulder while you’re on your phone), that’s all the more reason to limit your screen time. Turn it off and go outside! Play catch with your son or teach your daughter how to ride a bike. Those are the things that memories are made of!

Help out

If you come home from work and the house is a mess, take that as your cue that you need to pitch in. If we seem stressed out about it, don’t ask us what needs to be done. That will only make us think—and stress—about it all. If the dishwasher is full, unload it. If hampers are overflowing, sort laundry. Or just grab a broom and start sweeping. Make this your motto: don’t ask; just do.

After you read this, chat with your wife about it. You may think that none of it applies to your family, but I bet at least a small portion does. If you are the one to bring it up, your wife will be honest with you. This is where it’s okay to ask. Open up those lines of communication and you’ll do wonders to improve your relationship with your wife and with your kids.

Live in Harmony with First-Time ObedienceMaureen Monfore is a mother of two young boys, a freelance writer, and the author of ChildwiseChat.com and the eBook, Live in Harmony with First-Time Obedience. A loyal follower of the teachings of Gary and Anne Marie Ezzo, she is passionate about teaching children to obey to pave the way for fun, love, learning, and essential moral development.

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What Dads Want Moms to Know

July 10, 2012 By 5 Comments

Some moms may have this figured out, but for others this may be a news flash. Most men are not multi taskers. Most men have a one track mind. We men do not intend to be unloving toward you our wives by not taking a load off and stepping in where it is needed. It’s just that we are not wired up to see things the way a woman sees things.

We truly do not realize it is bedtime, dinner time, homework time, chore time, time to stop wrestling on the living room floor, etc, etc. Wives seem to think it is so obvious in terms of what needs to be done and you often see our non response as unloving. Most often once it is too late…We can see that this frustrates you when we do not see what is so blatantly obvious to you. Maybe there is not a place in our brains for us to store the experiences from these situations so that we can remember them the next time. I can’t explain why these lessons are not remembered, I just know that they are so often not remembered.

So what can Moms do to help Dads?

– We do need to be asked for help. Honey will you _____? (fill in the blank with whatever task needs to be done that you think we should have already realized, but haven’t.)

– Offer encouraging words. For men, even the most gently constructive criticism can cut deep. We strive to provide and protect and love to be recognized for that. Look for things we do right and tell us about it.

– And last but certainly not least, please think the best of us. We are not trying to get up on your last nerve. We love you and want to help. We just need things spelled out in many colors of crayon sometimes.

Being a dad often brings out the kid in a man. We get so absorbed in the pretend  games with the little ones or the rough-housing with the older ones that we forget that life must go on. So be gentle, respectful, and to the point with your concerns for what needs to be done. We don’t realize it is approaching 9pm and the toddler is still in his jeans and shoes. It does not even register that he needs to have been changed into his pajamas and put in bed an hour ago. All you have to do is walk over and hand us the pajamas and say…with a genuine smile, “would you mind getting Levi ready for bed? It is almost 9pm.” You may be surprised to learn that your husband is as shocked at the time as you are that he does not realize it on his own. Love, Gentleness, Patience, and Respect will go a long way in these situations. I promise.

So Moms, What do you want dads to know?

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Matt Rutherford – A Dad with Cerebral Palsy

June 18, 2012 By Leave a Comment

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This podcast episode contains an interview with Matt

Daddy Life Podcast Episode 29 LogoDue to complications at birth, Matt was afflicted with cerebral palsy, which resulted in his permanently crippled condition. Surprisingly, a disability resulting from Cerebral Palsy (CP) has never stood between him and his life goals with his career, marriage, or in his parenting.  From the moment he was born, Matt demonstrated his ability to overcome the odds.  During the birthing process, he was deprived of oxygen for more than 20 minutes.  This lack of oxygen resulted in damage to the cerebral cortex. While the lack of oxygen did not affect Matt’s cognitive ability, it significantly impacted his muscle control and movement.


Matt’s Web Site: SOAR1.net

More from this episode:

Happy Father’s Day

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful wife Sherry.

 

Also mentioned in this episode:

Understand Childhood Fears on Childwise Chat

Riley’s review of The Ark, the Reed, and the Fire Cloud on The Home School Support Network

Large Families on Purpose

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Daddy Intuition

June 14, 2012 By Leave a Comment

By Bethany Lynch at The Graceful Mom

Most everyone chatters about women’s intuition or gut feeling. Just
the other night I got a “Good Call!” from my husband when my son took
about 2 seconds too long washing his hands and then came running out
of the bathroom.

Go let the water out of the sink, buddy!!

Sure enough it was full of bubbles. Mommy intuition has served me well
many days. However, there is also a lot of truth in that sometimes
daddies hit the nail on the head too. It is a pain and a privilege to
have a husband that understands our kids better than I at times.

My husband and I have followed Babywise from birth with both children.
He has been very much on the same page with parent-directed rearing
and first-time obedience. Usually we do not differ too widely in our
approach. However, the one thing that he always gets right is
shortening naps. Every.single.time. He has always had this great
insight into when our kids are ready for more waketime and less sleep.
I usually stress over it, troubleshoot for week, poll other Babywise
friends…and then finally decide to try the dreaded shorter nap.
Almost every time it has worked like a charm. No more nap fiascoes
(mostly), no more troubleshooting, much less hassle, and more
well-rested kids overall.

Is napping the end of the world? Of course not, but ask any mom with a
2 year old on a hardcore nap strike if she would like a solution for
better naps. Shortening naps is not a solution for every sleep issue,
but both of our kids have done very well with dropping naps or
shortening sleep at the suggestion of my husband. Unfortunately, it
has taken me almost 4 years to admit this!!

Naps are just one of his specialties. There are many other areas where
my husband has shown this great “daddy intuition.” He, like many dads,
does an excellent job at assessing the whole picture, where we as
mothers often get bogged down in the details. I think he also does a
better job at being relaxed about troubleshooting or trying different
approaches. Almost every time I have over analyzed a decision, my husband can
offer more clarity than I even imagined.

Next time you are searching for answers for a scenario, let your
husband give it a spin. I bet that he is probably a lot closer to the
answer than you think!

 

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What Makes a Father a Daddy?

May 31, 2012 By Leave a Comment

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Daddy Life Podcast Episode 28Dads, Marriage Counts and you need to take the lead in your home.

Get to know your wife and children better


Lead devotions: We just started doing things different.

  • Pray a simple prayer asking God to speak to you.
  • Reading a chapter from a children’s bible.
  • Pray and thank God and ask Him to fill your needs.


Be present

  • Attend appointments (school, medical, etc) (Mom’s let dads help)
  • Take your kids camping…even if in the back yard
  • Go for a bike ride


Being a great husband even when you disagree

  1. No name calling
  2. Leave the past in the past
  3. LISTEN
  4. Keep your hands to yourself
  5. Allow a disagreement resolution to play out in from of the kids


Boys want to be like Daddy
Girls want to gain Dad’s approval

Facebook Page – http://www.facebook.com/DaddyLife

Levi’s Birthday Our youngest turned two on Memorial Day

Levi turns 2

Happy Birthday to my Baby Boy


Babywise Friendly Blog Segment

God’s Faithfulness Through Infertility

 

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